Purposeful Growth

Will You Marry Me?

What a powerful question: Will you marry me? Not a question to ask lightly, nor a question to respond to without great thought. Deciding to pose this question, or deciding how to respond to it, has life-altering implications.

Now, what if I ask this question of myself? What a novel twist, to ask myself to marry me. Knowing what I know about myself, would I ask me to marry me? And if I asked me to marry me, would I accept? If I should accept, would I stay married to me?
What a powerful set of questions! They get right to the (sometimes uncomfortable?) core of my feelings about me.

Considering how to respond to my proposal requires that I ask myself all the questions I would ask if considering a marriage proposal from another person. Do I love myself? Do I like me? Do I want to spend the rest of my life with me?

Am I trustworthy? Do I keep my promises to myself? Do I treat myself with respect and consideration?

Do I encourage me to follow my deepest dreams? Do I support myself when I stumble? Do I defend me from the criticisms of others?

Do I respect my values?

Do I listen to me? Do I allow my inner thoughts and desires to surface without fear of ridicule and rejection?

Do I enjoy being with me? Is my time alone a pleasant experience or something I avoid?
Granted, I have little choice in the matter of being with me. I am, after all, trapped in close proximity to me. Still, I have a choice when it comes to whom I spend time with—including spending time alone with me.

Perhaps honestly pondering how I might respond to the questions posed above will bring the insight to help me be more like the me I wish to be—the me I would marry.

Do you ever notice the difference in how you feel when you: 1) make friendly small talk with an acquaintance, 2) have a lively two-way conversation with a friend, or 3) bare your soul with someone you trust?

For me, friendly small talk is pleasant and may even be cheery, but usually lacks deeper feelings of human satisfaction. The sense I get from friendly small talk is that I’ve skated the surface of the waters of humanity, perhaps even stuck in one toe.

A lively two way conversation, for me, is more stimulating and energizing. I may learn something from this communication, or may convey something that another didn’t know. While energizing, this level of communication is still shallow, more like sticking my feet in the water and kicking a few times.

But for real satisfaction, nothing beats the conversations that are soul to soul. When I discuss something that really means something to me–how I feel about something of importance, what I believe in, what has happened to me and how I felt about it–these experiences where I open my shields and expose the vulnerability of my fears and joys, these are like diving in and swimming underwater. This is when I really experience the depth of human emotion.

Though sometimes scary, soul baring communication is so satisfying, so calming, so loving, as to make the risk worthwhile. The older I get, the more willing I am to take the risk of vulnerability.