Purposeful Growth

Peace is a state of mind.
Peace is not the absence of war; war cannot exist in a state of peace.
War is not an option for peaceful beings.
Peace is a state of mind, an intention to live peacefully with all beings.

Waging war will never bring peace, just a temporary cessation of war.
The last war fuels and justifies the next war.
The last war teaches hatred, domination, and power.
The last war trains leaders for the next war.

Peace is not without conflict.
Conflict is an unavoidable result of the diversity of human desires.
In a state of peace, conflict is resolved without harm to anyone.
Violence does not resolve conflict—it nourishes it.

Peace is possible when each person, community, state, and country has access to life’s necessities, along with a reasonable opportunity to achieve life’s dream.

You and I can bring peace to the world.
How many hundreds or thousands of beings do I encounter in my lifetime?
How many do I influence with a peaceful state of mind?
How many in turn, does each of them influence?

A culture forms person by person over time.
We built this culture of belief that war is acceptable, justifiable, and appropriate.
You and I built this culture step by step, day by day.
We idolize and glamorize violent behavior, praising and teaching violence through entertainment.
We declare wars on poverty, AIDS, and terrorism.
Poverty, AIDS, and terrorism still exist, proof that war energizes its targets.
War is good for the economy, though we would never harbor war for that reason.
Or would we?

We believe war is natural because we’ve been warring for centuries.
People have always killed other people: that’s just the way it is, we say.
We confuse natural with normal.
Normal means a behavior is prevalent and accepted.
Natural means a behavior is inherent.
It is normal to kill others because we created a violent culture.
It is not natural to kill others, contrary to claims that survival behaviors in nature support this thesis.
Humans do not naturally and inherently need to kill to survive.
We’ve decided to kill to resolve our conflicts.
This is the culture we built.

Tomorrow’s culture begins today.
You and I, acting with love, acceptance, and respect, begin to form tomorrow’s culture.
You and I, acting with vengeance, hatred, bigotry, or greed begin to form tomorrow’s culture.

Which culture shall we shape today?

The beauty and richness of life arises from the choices we get to make each day. Through our many daily choices we demonstrate who we are. Therein also lie life’s complications. With each choice comes the possibility that we will be misunderstood—or that we’ll act based on other’s expectations of us.

Choosing

Do you often find yourself in situations in which you must make a decision among several alternatives? Do you find it difficult to know which to pick because each has a significant downside? I do.

Some decisions are very easy. Making a purchase decision is probably the easiest of all. If the perceived benefits of the purchase are worth the price, and if I have the money, I buy the product or service.

Most really difficult decisions revolve around alternative actions that affect, or seem to affect, other people. Decisions get complicated when we consider how others will view our actions. Let’s say I identify two choices that solve a problem I face. Choice A seems attractive, but then I begin to wonder if I’ll appear selfish by picking choice A. But then if I pick B, I might seem insensitive. I anguish over the alternatives trying to figure out how others will feel, and what they might think of me for making each choice. I even explore other choices, ones that don’t solve my problem as effectively, but may be better received by others.

What should I do? The answer is to change directions, quickly and completely. While it is important to consider the feelings of others, this should not be my primary basis for making choices. The best choice will always involve being true to myself. That is, making the choice that naturally results from who I choose to be.

So the first question to ask is not what to do, but who to be. If I’m angry, do I choose to make the decision of an angry person? Or do I choose to get past the anger and make the decision of a peaceful person? Taking this approach changes the focus from others to me, which is an appropriate starting point.

Once you decide on a course of action based on whom you choose to be, you can then address how to implement the decision with sensitivity and consideration for others. Think about the words you will use when describing your decision. Condition yourself to avoid justifying your decision; being true to who you are is justification enough.

Next, you can test your decision. Visualize taking the action you’ve decided upon and notice how you feel. Do you feel at peace? Can you visualize discussing your decision with another person while feeling perfectly calm and positive? If so, you have succeeded in making a decision which complements who you choose to be. Another way of saying this is that your choice is authentic—it’s you.

On the other hand, if you feel troubled as you visualize taking the action you picked, you will probably feel troubled by the real thing. If this happens, you’ll want to go back to the question of whom you choose to be in this situation.

It may take some time and practice to become comfortable with this process—we’re conditioned to believe it’s wrong to think of ourselves first. But it’s not. When I’m true to myself—authentically me—I’m at my best. And when I’m at my best, I’m best for others, too.