Choosing
The beauty and richness of life arises from the choices we get to make each day. Through our many daily choices we demonstrate who we are. Therein also lie life’s complications. With each choice comes the possibility that we will be misunderstood—or that we’ll act based on other’s expectations of us.
Choosing
Do you often find yourself in situations in which you must make a decision among several alternatives? Do you find it difficult to know which to pick because each has a significant downside? I do.
Some decisions are very easy. Making a purchase decision is probably the easiest of all. If the perceived benefits of the purchase are worth the price, and if I have the money, I buy the product or service.
Most really difficult decisions revolve around alternative actions that affect, or seem to affect, other people. Decisions get complicated when we consider how others will view our actions. Let’s say I identify two choices that solve a problem I face. Choice A seems attractive, but then I begin to wonder if I’ll appear selfish by picking choice A. But then if I pick B, I might seem insensitive. I anguish over the alternatives trying to figure out how others will feel, and what they might think of me for making each choice. I even explore other choices, ones that don’t solve my problem as effectively, but may be better received by others.
What should I do? The answer is to change directions, quickly and completely. While it is important to consider the feelings of others, this should not be my primary basis for making choices. The best choice will always involve being true to myself. That is, making the choice that naturally results from who I choose to be.
So the first question to ask is not what to do, but who to be. If I’m angry, do I choose to make the decision of an angry person? Or do I choose to get past the anger and make the decision of a peaceful person? Taking this approach changes the focus from others to me, which is an appropriate starting point.
Once you decide on a course of action based on whom you choose to be, you can then address how to implement the decision with sensitivity and consideration for others. Think about the words you will use when describing your decision. Condition yourself to avoid justifying your decision; being true to who you are is justification enough.
Next, you can test your decision. Visualize taking the action you’ve decided upon and notice how you feel. Do you feel at peace? Can you visualize discussing your decision with another person while feeling perfectly calm and positive? If so, you have succeeded in making a decision which complements who you choose to be. Another way of saying this is that your choice is authentic—it’s you.
On the other hand, if you feel troubled as you visualize taking the action you picked, you will probably feel troubled by the real thing. If this happens, you’ll want to go back to the question of whom you choose to be in this situation.
It may take some time and practice to become comfortable with this process—we’re conditioned to believe it’s wrong to think of ourselves first. But it’s not. When I’m true to myself—authentically me—I’m at my best. And when I’m at my best, I’m best for others, too.