Purposeful Growth

Us and Them
Of all the words of conflicted man, the most damaging are us and them. The very use of these two words focuses people on differences—we must be different from them, or they would be us. What they want might be in conflict with what we want. We must band together against them to get what we want. It’s us versus them. That’s the way the story often goes—pitting us against them.

Labeling people as them—who are opposed to and different from us—is often used to unify a group of people. Misguided leadership finds a way to create a common enemy to motivate and unify people under the leader’s influence. We see this every day in business, sports, education, politics, and international relations. Countries at war demonize the opposition, making it easier on the psyche to accept killing, maiming, and destruction. Individuals belittle other individuals, attributing harmful behaviors based on some observable characteristic such as race, gender, or even school affiliation.

Attaining and maintaining the state of mind of us and them is a critical component of every conflict. It’s the way the human ego overcomes the soul’s natural intention to love. It’s the way the ego causes separation, which is crucial to the process of conflict. It’s the way we focus on differences instead of similarities.

Do you have an ongoing adversarial relationship with someone? If so, what do you think of when you think of that person? Do you think that she’s a human being just like you? Do you think that she’s doing her best in life just as you are? Probably not. You likely focus on things she does that you don’t do: differences in appearance, behavior, dress, speech, and beliefs. Focusing on her differences helps you maintain the alienation required to sustain conflict.

Try an experiment: Think of this person with whom you have regular disagreement—visualize him or her clearly in your mind. Make a list of everything that is like you: hair color, eyes, height, clothing, sense of humor, and anything else you can identify. Consider the fears this person might have. Identify whom he or she might love. Outline the person’s strengths and vulnerabilities. Do you now think of him or her differently than before? Has the person changed, or have you changed your perception?

Does your leader practice us and them motivation? If we fail to question us and them leadership, we are easily controlled by the misguided, self-righteous, and power hungry. As we focus on what makes others different from us, we reinforce separation from the unity of all souls. There is seldom joy in living based on separation. The joy in life arises when we feel our common bonds, our unity, not our apparent differences.

There is no them. There is only us.

Jerry

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005 at 4:14 pm and is filed under Peacefulness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.