Purposeful Growth

In the last posting, I wrote about peace and anger. I indicated that a person can still be peaceful while feeling anger if no harm is done to others. A few days later I saw an article in the June 13 Time magazine, 10 Questions for Danica Patrick. Danica is the Indy racecar driver who has caught the attention of racing fans and media. She is young, female, and attractive. And drives 200 mph race cars–everything celebrated in our culture today.

In response to the question, “How do you handle traffic jams? (in civilian driving),” Danica responded in part, ” I hate them. I hate slow drivers. I hate left-lane drivers… I have road rage every day. Every day.” (Emphasis is mine.)

Road rage every day. Thinking about that nearly makes me ill. Here is a popular young woman, very visible to the media and therefore to young people everywhere. Think of the role modeling going on here. Road rage every day. Hating slow drivers.

I’m sad for Danica, assuming she really does have road rage frequently because habitual anger is unhealthy. I’m also sad for what that says about our culture. Sure, it’s annoying when you’re in a hurry, but where is the compassion for others, the tolerance for elderly drivers, or those who might be confused and unfamiliar with local roads?

Recently, in the city I live in an incensed passenger in a car who felt another driver cut them off confronted the “offending” driver and stabbed him to death. A young father died because of road rage. While this may be an extreme example of road rage, it’s common to see drivers shouting, swearing, and offering obscene gestures to other drivers.

What do you model when confronted by slow, aggressive, or otherwise inconsiderate drivers, traffic jams, construction, and inadequate highways? I admit that at times I begin to feel angry at these behaviors. That’s when I must remember that the situation isn’t personal, it’s just a circumstance of inattention, poor judgment, or some other cause that isn’t really directed at me. Besides, no matter what my destination, arriving a few minutes later can’t really matter.

So the first feelings of anger are a sure sign to relax, deep breathe, and search for compassion. When I find that place within that is loving and understanding of others, I immediate feel relaxed and calm. This feels so much better than the tension of anger. This is living peace.

Jerry

Does living peacefully mean I can never be angry? If I become angry have I failed to be peaceful?
Anger is a human emotion. Peace is a state of being. They are not mutually exclusive. I can live peacefully, even when the emotion of anger overtakes me if I resolve my anger without harm to another.

Anger is always about me, not the other person. I may blame another for my anger, but that blame is misplaced. Anger is mine. It is my choice, though perhaps a subconscious choice, to become angry in response to another’s words or actions.

Yoda, the wise Jedi of Star Wars said it best, “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” Fear leads to anger, so anger is always fear based. When I recognize and acknowledge that my anger results from something I fear, I find the anger diminishes significantly. The energy of anger and the fear that sponsored it diminish markedly with the simple acknowledging statement, “I’m angry because I’m afraid that…”

Living peacefully doesn’t require that I never become angry. It merely requires that I handle my anger as my anger, not someone else’s responsibility. This is not always easy. But it’s always appropriate. The next time you find yourself becoming angry, take a few seconds to reflect on what you may be fearing. Then acknowledge the fear and watch your anger diminish.

The next time someone becomes angry in your presence, see if you can discern the fear that feeds their anger. Helping them see and acknowledge this fear will diffuse the anger and let them know you hear.

Jerry