Purposeful Growth

“When my teenage daughter, Carol, committed suicide, I thought that I must die, too, simply because there was no life left for me. But the sun rose again each morning, I continued to exist, and I found that, somewhere at the bottom of my soul, I still had the will to live and a strong desire to heal.” 

These are the words of Brenda, a friend of mine whose daughter committed suicide at the age of 14. Brenda has written a book, Song of Joy, about her healing process.

 When I talked to Brenda about her daughter’s death and read a draft of her book, I wondered how I could still believe that life is easy.

 Life is Easy is, after all, a theme I have written on many times. Somehow, I still believe this, yet understand that our lives also include situations of extreme pain and agony. Reconciling these seems to hinge on perspective.

Just as a river from 10,000 feet sparkles and shines, but is muddy and debris laden up close, so life is easy from the perspective of many years, but terribly difficult up close.

Up close to Brenda’s life, in the days and months after Carol’s death, life was anything but easy. Filled with despair and guilt, Brenda was depressed, angry, and barely able to function. Brenda would probably not call her life easy at this point, but now she does have hope, purpose, and vitality as she works to make something positive of this experience.

Has Brenda grown as a result of her experience? Absolutely, though no one in their right mind would choose the circumstances that she’s weathered. Certainly, she would prefer a different and much less painful set of circumstances to fuel her growth. But we don’t always get to pick the circumstances; we get to pick what we do with them. 

Brenda has decided to help others heal. Her book, Song of Joy, because that is the meaning of her daughter’s name, offers hope, support, and the example of how a human being can deal with tragic, horrific circumstances and still come out a whole person.

Song of Joy is yet to be published; the manuscript is being finalized as I write this. But I’ve read it and it touched me deeply. It will touch you deeply, too. More importantly, if you or someone for whom you care is undergoing difficult circumstances, Song of Joy, will provide comfort, hope, and help in the healing process.

After you read the following excerpt of Song of Joy, if you want to reserve a copy, want more information about availability, or have interest in healing workshops Brenda is developing, email Brenda here.

Brenda’s full excerpt of Song of Joy follows:

Song of Joy 

“It doesn’t have to be easy,” I told my therapist, “It just has to be possible.”  When my teenage daughter, Carol, committed suicide, I thought that I must die, too, simply because there was no life left for me.  But the sun rose again each morning, I continued to exist, and I found that, somewhere at the bottom of my soul, I still had the will to live and a strong desire to heal. 

The path to healing is the most difficult journey I have ever undertaken.  The alternative, though, was to remain in a state of constant sorrow for the rest of my days, and so I scraped what was left of myself together and began to live again.  I had little hope of success, for I found few encouraging examples. 

Statistics indicated that my husband and I would divorce, become terminally ill, and perhaps even choose to end our lives as well.  This was simply not acceptable to me, and I stubbornly refused to accept that fate.  I searched for support and encouragement, and I found it. 

 I kept a journal for many months, writing about my experiences as I went along.  I decided to create a book about my healing process, because I wanted other people to know that, although it is not easy to recover from such a devastating experience, it is possible. 

I believe that God does not intend for us to retreat from each other when painful things happen.  We need each other, but too often, those of us who are living with pain and sorrow suffer alone, while those of us who could offer hope stand by helplessly. 

My book is not intended for suicide survivors alone, but for anyone who has experienced a life event that has driven them to despair.  We are not alone, we can heal, and our lives can be good again.  I titled my book, “Song of Joy,” because that is the meaning of Carol’s name, and because that was what I wanted back in my life.  It isn’t easy, but it is possible to find the way back to joy, back to the place where we celebrate life again.    Brenda Layman 

Most of us, most of the time want more. We want more money, more love, more happiness, more time, more satisfaction, more respect, and the list goes on. Everything we desire, for most of us, seems scarce.

Scarcity is an illusion.

Of all the illusions we humans harbor, the illusion of scarcity may affect our daily lives the most. Believing there isn’t enough to go around, we compete for our share of life’s stuff–money, food, natural resources, and love– making life harder than it need be. Peace and contentment follows when you know you have enough–and life is easy.

When is enough enough? When you say it is. If you’re being true to who you really are and doing what naturally results from who you are, then you probably already have enough. A great secret of life–it must be a secret since so few people apply it–is that when you do what you love to do and live your life’s purpose you will have enough of life’s stuff. It will come to you naturally and effortlessly. That’s how the Universe works.

Will you get “your fair share?” There’s no such thing, so stop keeping score. Rather than question if you’re getting your share ask this each day, “Is this who I am? Am I being the true me?” Being who you really are and fulfilling life purpose takes care of everything.

The one thing we humans crave the most–love–is available in abundance. God’s love is always with us, all ways. All the love you could ever desire is already within your grasp. Abundant love is yours with one simple step–love others fully and unconditionally. Generously giving love signals the Universe that you have abundant love and the Universe always complies and sees to it that you do. The source of love within you is inexhaustible, the more you give the more you have.

Do you look around and see scarcity? Do you see the abundance others have and envy them? If you focus on scarcity with your thoughts, your talk, and your actions, you will keep scarcity in your life. Focus on your abundance. Everyone has abundance of some sort. Maybe your abundance is humor, or love, or generosity, or wisdom. Focus on the abundance you do have and let the Universe take care of the rest.

Know there is enough of all of our precious resources for
everyone–enough money, food, natural resources, and love. Give generously of your treasures and your special skills. Compete with another only when both parties agree that a competition will be great fun–never compete under other circumstances.

Many believe that competition is good for us; they quote “survival of the fittest” as if that’s a holy truth. We already are surviving. Now we’re looking for happiness, fulfillment, and meaning in our lives. Competition doesn’t yield those results. But that’s the subject of another article.

Relevant Articles:

Ten Steps to an Easy Life

Purpose is the Foundation of an Easy Life

Believe in an Easy Life

Spending Habits and the Easy Life

Connections Make Life Easier

Sitting in Judgement and the Easy Life

Acceptance and the Easy Life

Unconditional Love and the Easy Life