“When my teenage daughter, Carol, committed suicide, I thought that I must die, too, simply because there was no life left for me. But the sun rose again each morning, I continued to exist, and I found that, somewhere at the bottom of my soul, I still had the will to live and a strong desire to heal.” 

These are the words of Brenda, a friend of mine whose daughter committed suicide at the age of 14. Brenda has written a book, Song of Joy, about her healing process.

 When I talked to Brenda about her daughter’s death and read a draft of her book, I wondered how I could still believe that life is easy.

 Life is Easy is, after all, a theme I have written on many times. Somehow, I still believe this, yet understand that our lives also include situations of extreme pain and agony. Reconciling these seems to hinge on perspective.

Just as a river from 10,000 feet sparkles and shines, but is muddy and debris laden up close, so life is easy from the perspective of many years, but terribly difficult up close.

Up close to Brenda’s life, in the days and months after Carol’s death, life was anything but easy. Filled with despair and guilt, Brenda was depressed, angry, and barely able to function. Brenda would probably not call her life easy at this point, but now she does have hope, purpose, and vitality as she works to make something positive of this experience.

Has Brenda grown as a result of her experience? Absolutely, though no one in their right mind would choose the circumstances that she’s weathered. Certainly, she would prefer a different and much less painful set of circumstances to fuel her growth. But we don’t always get to pick the circumstances; we get to pick what we do with them. 

Brenda has decided to help others heal. Her book, Song of Joy, because that is the meaning of her daughter’s name, offers hope, support, and the example of how a human being can deal with tragic, horrific circumstances and still come out a whole person.

Song of Joy is yet to be published; the manuscript is being finalized as I write this. But I’ve read it and it touched me deeply. It will touch you deeply, too. More importantly, if you or someone for whom you care is undergoing difficult circumstances, Song of Joy, will provide comfort, hope, and help in the healing process.

After you read the following excerpt of Song of Joy, if you want to reserve a copy, want more information about availability, or have interest in healing workshops Brenda is developing, email Brenda here.

Brenda’s full excerpt of Song of Joy follows:

Song of Joy 

“It doesn’t have to be easy,” I told my therapist, “It just has to be possible.”  When my teenage daughter, Carol, committed suicide, I thought that I must die, too, simply because there was no life left for me.  But the sun rose again each morning, I continued to exist, and I found that, somewhere at the bottom of my soul, I still had the will to live and a strong desire to heal. 

The path to healing is the most difficult journey I have ever undertaken.  The alternative, though, was to remain in a state of constant sorrow for the rest of my days, and so I scraped what was left of myself together and began to live again.  I had little hope of success, for I found few encouraging examples. 

Statistics indicated that my husband and I would divorce, become terminally ill, and perhaps even choose to end our lives as well.  This was simply not acceptable to me, and I stubbornly refused to accept that fate.  I searched for support and encouragement, and I found it. 

 I kept a journal for many months, writing about my experiences as I went along.  I decided to create a book about my healing process, because I wanted other people to know that, although it is not easy to recover from such a devastating experience, it is possible. 

I believe that God does not intend for us to retreat from each other when painful things happen.  We need each other, but too often, those of us who are living with pain and sorrow suffer alone, while those of us who could offer hope stand by helplessly. 

My book is not intended for suicide survivors alone, but for anyone who has experienced a life event that has driven them to despair.  We are not alone, we can heal, and our lives can be good again.  I titled my book, “Song of Joy,” because that is the meaning of Carol’s name, and because that was what I wanted back in my life.  It isn’t easy, but it is possible to find the way back to joy, back to the place where we celebrate life again.    Brenda Layman