This year give the Holiday gift that will be treasured forever. This gift truly keeps on giving and is sure to find a place in the hearts of those you love. It will cost you next to nothing, but will last forever.
Give the gift of unconditional love.
Unconditional love is real love; the way that God loves us, the way a mother loves her newborn. The way a puppy loves it’s owner. It’s not just romantic love, nor sexual love, nor parental protection. It’s way bigger than those, but it can include them. And this may be a surprise: unconditional love is a decision, a choice rather than a natural reaction. This is true love and it isn’t earned, doesn’t stop, and can’t be forfeited.
The love that we hear casually bantered around is usually a conditional granting of affection. I’ll love you as long as you behave certain ways, treat me certain ways, and fill my needs. When those cease, you’re history.
Unconditional love, on the other hand, carries no conditions. None. There is no need to be filled, no behavior required, no requirement for affection returned, no conditions at all. The other word for unconditional love is freedom. Freedom for your loved one to be who he or she chooses to be.
If you’ve ever been in a relationship where you felt you had to modify who you really are to please another person, you were likely in a conditionally loving relationship, a needy relationship. This was probably not the love you dreamed of as a child and yearned for as an adult.
If I decide to love unconditionally, I can sincerely tell my loved ones that I love them no matter what they say or do. And I will continue to love them regardless of what they say or do. In fact, I have done this and it’s probably the single best action of my life.
What works well for me is my Christmas letter. Each year I write a letter to my loved ones, reinforcing my unconditional love. I also take this opportunity to express some aspects of my joy with our relationship. Though I’ve expressed my love verbally, I’m more comfortable and more complete in my appreciation when I take the time to write. And I find that the letters are treasured and anticipated. They’re often described as “the best gift.”
Though this gift costs nothing monetarily, there is a cost. For some it might be a significant cost. Unconditional love and self righteous judgement don’t mix. They’re oxy morons, opposites. So if you’re someone who feels you have the formula for living and only your way is the right way, you’re not loving unconditionally now.
Maybe it’s time to change. The really wonderful thing about loving unconditionally is it gives as much to you, the giver, as it does to the recipient of your love. If you’ve been loving conditionally, you probably spend a lot of time and energy as scorekeeper. Keeping track of what he does, what she says, how they talk, and what they wear.
I heard a saying once, “To win at the game of love, don’t keep score.” Stop keeping score. Stop judging another’s actions as right or wrong, good or bad. You’ll find that your life is lighter and easier. You’ll laugh more, you’ll love more, and you’ll have lots more fun.
Now for the BUT. You might be thinking, BUT she’ll run amuck if I don’t keep a close watch. I’m only doing this because I love him. He won’t make good decisions. She doesn’t have good common sense.
Nonsense. You’re kidding yourself. It’s your need that’s being fulfilled by conditionally loving. Maybe it’s time to change.
Don’t confuse unconditional love with unbridled acquiescence of unacceptable behavior. These are two different things. Your own self-love requires that you have boundaries and standards of behavior for yourself and others in relation to you.
You need not accept abusive behavior. You don’t have to cater to someone who chooses to be sloppy about their living quarters.
It is possible to love unconditionally but to decide to separate yourself from another person because their behavior is not acceptable to you.
This Holiday, give yourself and your loved ones the gift of your unconditional love. You’ll have to give up control, and you may feel a bit vulnerable initially, but the rewards are well worth it.
Related Articles:
Unconditional Love and The Easy Life
Commitment, The Foundation of Enduring Relationships
