Purposeful Growth

What you say when you talk to yourself is extremely important to your personal development. Learn how your self talk may be sabotaging your personal growth.

Self talk is what you say when you talk to yourself. Are you

even aware that you talk to yourself–nearly continuously? You do, we all do. Self talk takes place thousands of times a day, every day. What does this have to do with personal development? Your personal development is directly affected by self talk. Your growth and development is hindered or enhanced by what you say when you talk to yourself. 

Are you your own best friend or your worst enemy? Does your self talk sound like this?

• That was a stupid thing to do!
• Can’t you do anything right anymore?
• Well, you did it again, you big dummy!

Sound familiar? If this is what you say when you talk to yourself maybe it’s time to consider hanging out with someone else. Would you continue to be with another person who talked to you this way? Probably not, most of us would end that “friendship” pretty quickly.

This may seem silly, but many people do really talk to themselves just like this example. Their self talk is demeaning, dismissive, and unsupportive.

Consider this. What if you made a mistake, a natural human error, and someone close to you said:

• Oh, you just made a silly mistake, but you hardly ever make mistakes so you probably won’t do that again.
• We all make mistakes like that at some time.
• It’s no big deal.

That would feel pretty good, wouldn’t it? You’d feel supported and valued because you just made an honest, human mistake. Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone supportive like this around all the time? You can. You can be that supportive someone with your own self talk. Why wait for someone else, when the most effective supporter is right there with you all the time?

Why is this so important? Research shows that there is very little difference in your brain activity between doing something and imagining that you’ve done it. So whether you make lots of mistakes or make one mistake and reproach yourself over and over, to your mind it’s all the same.

If you repeatedly tell yourself that you’re stupid, your mind believes it just as if you did something stupid over and over. Your self talk is continuously forming your self image–who you are.

What you say when you talk to yourself really does matter. If you’re serious about personal development, get serious about talking positively and supportively to yourself. Be your own best friend. You deserve it.

This article first appeared in the Personal Development Topic at Suite101.com.

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PurposefulGrowth.com is devoted to the concept that personal growth and development is best accomplished on a foundation of Life Purpose. With Life Purpose clarity our growth activities are most effective and helpful.

I’ve devoted much time and energy to my own purpose in life, and dedicate a good portion of my writing and personal coaching to the life purpose topic. When I agreed to review Brad Swift’s book, Life on Purpose, Six Passages to an Inspired Life, I admit I did so with a certain amount of “I already know it” attitude. I was wrong.

Brad Swift’s Own Purpose Journey

Swift has developed an effective six stage life purpose process. The story of his own path toward life purpose understanding provides an excellent example as well as interesting reading. At one point in his life, Swift was a very successful veterinarian, with a trophy wife, a trophy home, and all the trimmings of cars, vacations, and “stuff.”

Yet he describes a day when he was on the verge of suicide, curled up on his bathroom floor holding a gun to his head. He had found, as do many apparently successful people, that material acquisition does not fulfill the soul.

Being versus Doing

Swift tackles the very difficult task of separating and clarifying our understanding of the distinction between being and doing. Most of us assume that a life purpose is about what we do, so we set out to find the perfect job or career that will fulfill us. We may find life purpose that way, but we’ll be lucky if we do.

Life purpose is about who we are being when we do what we do. So understanding the being side of purpose must come first. Swift calls this the vessel or context of life. It shapes what we do.

Clarifying Life Purpose

His process for suggesting how to clarify life purpose in terms of being involves reflecting on several questions he asks, such as, “If money, time, energy, and talent were unlimited, what would you do with your life and who would you be?”

Another question asks that you finish this sentence as many as five times, “The purpose for which I’m here on this planet is…”

These questions, along with several others, help us to move toward an understanding of life purpose as a unique combination of states of being.

Swift’s own life purpose is an excellent example: “…a life of purposeful, passionate, and playful service, mindful abundance balanced with simplicity, and spiritual serenity.” He then describes how the things he does, such as his Life on Purpose Institute, reflect and stem from this purpose.

Life Purpose Shapes What We Do

Life purpose is the context or vessel shaping what we choose to do in life. Without clarity of life purpose, Swift indicates that we shape our lives, often subconsciously, by an inherited purpose stemming from our childhood years.

Regardless of where you are in your journey of life purpose understanding, I recommend Life on Purpose, Six Passages to an Inspired Life.

Getting Help

I also recommend, as Swift does, that the journey toward purpose is easier with the help of a personal coach or insightful, supportive friend or family member.

Related Articles: I suggest this article for another view of clarifying life purpose, as well as all articles in the Life Purpose Category (right sidebar).

Disclosure: I am not being paid to write this review. I sincerely believe Life on Purpose to be a valuable tool for those seeking life meaning. However, if you purchase using the link to the right I will make a few cents from Amazon.com. 

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