Purposeful Growth

Winning every human interaction can actually limit success. Know when to win, when not, and how to know the difference.

An excellent starting point for anyone intent on personal development and growth is to begin by improving interpersonal skills. Good interpersonal relationships are critical to personal success. Successful people are used to winning some competitions. But over-use of the skill of winning can be a behavioral flaw.

The Need to Win:

The need to win all debates and to prevail in all discussions is a frequent interpersonal flaw that damages relationships at home and at work. The saying, “To win at the game of love don’t

keep score,” is true not only in love, but in all interpersonal relationships.It’s ironic that the ability to win, which got us to where we are now, may be the very factor that limits future growth.

Winning Isn’t Always Important:

It’s important to recognize what’s at stake. If your company is pitted against another for an important contract, you certainly want to do everything you can legally and morally do to contribute to your company’s win. Your company’s survival and your income may be at stake.

But if you and your friend are teamed against your spouses in a friendly bridge game, are the stakes just as high? Why play as if they are? Playing to win in all activities comes at a price.

The Cost:

The need to win in all situations can be costly, whether among co-workers discussing the home team’s loss over the weekend or with a customer with a preference for the other political party. If co-workers become alienated and withhold cooperation or vital information, your business success may be affected. Winning a pointless discussion with your customer could cost you a sale.

Winning at all costs and in all situations is a serious interpersonal relations mistake. At stake are your relationships with loved ones and business partners, and the cooperation and support you’ll need for the future.

How Can You Tell if You Have This Bad Interpersonal Habit?:

It’s difficult to recognize this habit in oneself, but there are hints if you’re aware.

• Do people often roll their eyes and concede to your opinion?
• Do people involved in a hearty discussion suddenly fall silent when you arrive on the scene?
• Do people avoid volunteering solutions to problems in your presence?

These may be hints that you have the habit of dominating conversations and striving to win, even in friendly discussions.

What You Can Do:

You can break the habit of needing to win by following these steps.

1. Reflect on what it’s costing you
2. Decide to change
3. Apologize to those you’ve affected, and
4. Ask for them for helpful suggestions
5. Be aware of your need to win during discussions, and
6. Enlist someone’s assistance to call it to your attention
7. Measure your progress by asking and watching the signs

Marshall Goldsmith, in What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, calls the need to win the number one interpersonal behavior flaw likely to limit CEO’s success. This flaw can be affecting your success, too.

This article first appeared in the Personal Development Topic at Suite101.com.

Positive psychology studies indicate a positive attitude, along with an optimistic outlook and positive thinking, can bring better health and greater happiness.

Positive attitude, positive thinking, and optimism are now known to be a root cause of many positive life benefits–the good life and well being. You’ll live longer and be healthier and happier with a positive attitude toward life. In addition, you’re

more likely to be successful. Learn to use the power of thinking positive, adopting positive attitudes, and affirmations to gain important life benefits.

What is Attitude?:

Attitude is a mental position relative to a way of thinking or being; a leaning toward that which you believe. A positive attitude is, therefore, the inclination to generally be in an optimistic, hopeful state of mind.

Psychology Studies Reveal:

A positive attitude and optimistic thinking early in life predict health and well being in later years. Analysis of 99 Harvard graduates found a strong correlation between their optimistic thinking as college students and good health at age 40 and above.

In his ground-breaking book, A Primer in Positive Psychology, Christopher Petersen, PhD, says, “…optimism has demonstrable benefits, and pessimism has drawbacks.” He goes on to say, “…optimism…has been linked to positive mood and good morale; to perseverance and effective problem solving; to academic, athletic, military, occupational, and political success; to popularity; to good health; and even to long life and freedom from trauma.”

Even if you have been a pessimistic, negative thinker for many years, it’s not too late to change your way of thinking and reap the benefits of a positive attitude.

Characteristics of a Positive Attitude and Optimism:

Optimists believe they are accountable for good things and that good things will generally come their way. If something bad comes instead, optimists tend to write it off as an isolated incident, an anomaly, or something out of their control; optimists believe things will be better in the future.

Positive Thinking Takes Practice:

If you’re a person whose first thoughts about the meaning of something that’s happened are negative thoughts, be encouraged by the knowledge that the first step toward a positive attitude and positive thinking is to simply think another thought. Thoughts are under your control. Your pessimistic way of thinking is habit; habits can be changed.

• When you catch yourself thinking a pessimistic thought about an event in your life, first evaluate the evidence. What are the facts–not the fears–but the facts?
• Next, think of alternate explanations and future outcomes. When your old car suddenly makes a strange noise you may jump to the pessimistic conclusion that repair will be costly, but maybe a minor repair will solve the problem.
• Remind yourself to follow this approach with a daily affirmation such as this: When I have a negative thought I immediately evaluate the facts and think of positive alternatives that also fit the facts.

Practice the positive thinking approach outlined above and you’ll find it soon comes naturally. You may be amazed to realize that you simply feel better with a positive attitude.

Learn to use positive affirmations to reinforce your attitude. Instructions for powerful positive affirmations are here.

Using your unique core strengths is always a positive experience.

If you like this article you may also like How to Cheer Up.

More related material here.

This article first appeared in the Personal Development Topic at Suite101.com.