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Quotes to Live By: Don’t Look Back

 Beliefs, Personal Development  3 Responses »
Apr 032013
 

I keep in mind a handful of inspiring life quotes that act as guides or quotes to live by. They capture the essence of who I am, my philosophy of living.

Flikr user renaissancechambara CC Attr. Lic.

Flikr user renaissancechambara CC Attr. Lic.

“Don’t look back, something may be gaining on you” (Satchel Paige) is one of the inspiring life quotes that guides my life.

Satchel Paige is famous for his extraordinary athletic skills which continued even as he aged into his seventh decade.

Don’t Look Back

To me, “Don’t look back, something may be gaining on you” reminds me to keep a forward looking perspective, learning from the past but not dwelling on it. Every runner knows that looking back slows you down. The same can be said for life—looking back slows your forward progress.

I have a mentality of moving forward until I no longer can. In a big-picture-of-life sense, this means keep doing what I do, keep living my life, and keep moving toward my goals until something catches up with me and changes my direction. Ultimately, that something is death, but along the way we’re all familiar with the unexpected events and circumstances that show up when we have other plans.

In a smaller sense, and less morbid, this life quote tells me to keep focused forward, eye on the goal, open to the opportunities, and welcoming the experiences to come. Little is gained from the past other than what we can learn from it and apply to the future. Ruminating on past failures and regrets simply uses time and energy better used for accomplishing something positive.

Looking Back Can Be Helpful

On the other hand, “Don’t look back,” if followed literally, can rob me of the renewed joys of recalling past successes and joyous moments. I often forget to revisit these pleasant memories, and that’s something to work on for the future, as recalling past successes can be a big confidence booster and a reminder of approaches that have been successful.

What are your favorite life quotes? You may not think you have quotes to live by, but I’ll bet you find yourself often verbalizing the same phrase in response to some life event, something similar to my “don’t look back.”

Books from Personal Growth Resources

What is Life all About? How do I Find my Purpose? is the latest in the Personal Growth Resources series of personal growth books. Other books in the series include:

Watch for future articles on this site. Better yet, Subscribe to Your Purposeful Growth Update by email.

Jerry Lopper – Personal Growth Resources

Build your life on a foundation of purpose

Facts on How to be Happy: Sonja Lyubomirsky

 Beliefs, Happier, Happiness, Personal Development  5 Responses »
Feb 262013
 

In How To Be Happy: Understanding the Myths of Happiness, I reviewed Sonja Lyubomirsky’s latest book, The Myths of Happiness: What Should Make You Happy, But Doesn’t, What Shouldn’t Make You Happy, But Does.  Parts of that article were also drawn from an interview I attended (long distance) between Lyubomirsky and Ben Dean (MentorCoach.com).

How to be Happy

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Today’s article picks up some of the interview points I didn’t include in the article as well as some excellent summary points Dean provided in his pre-interview material.

First, for those unfamiliar with Lyubomirsky, she’s probably the leading expert on happiness, what it is and how to get more of it into our lives. Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD., is Professor of Psychology at the University of California-Riverside. Sonja currently teaches courses in social psychology and positive psychology and serves as the Department of Psychology’s graduate advisor. Her teaching and mentoring of students have been recognized with the Faculty of the Year and Faculty Mentor of the Year Awards.

Sonja’s research has been awarded several research prizes and has been written up in hundreds of magazines and newspapers, while she has appeared on multiple TV shows, radio shows, and feature documentaries around the world.

Validated How to be Happy Tips

The importance of all of the above is that she isn’t simply putting together advice and recommendations based on a few personal experiences and anecdotal observations. Her research is well documented, peer reviewed, and subjected to the stringent publication rules of scientific journals. She draws from her own research and the research of others in her field to provide information that is validated and useful.

Now, what are her messages? As her book title indicates, she’s attempting to put to rest the myths we have about happiness—that some positive events will make us happy forever, and other negative events will ruin our lives forever. Neither is true. Humans are amazingly resilient. We adapt to new situations quickly, assimilating the new and rather quickly accepting the changed circumstances as our lives.

So the great promotion you’ve dreamed of and worked for over several years becomes old-hat after a few months. Ditto the hoped for positive of a new love or the dreaded negative of a disease diagnosis.

For more of this very useful book’s content, see How to Be Happy: Understanding the Myths of Happiness.  You may also enjoy my own book on happiness, The Happiness Workbook: Take Control of Your Happiness – Dozens of Proven Ways to Be Happier.

Now for some interesting tidbits from Lyubomirsky’s interview on January 25, 2013.

Lyubomirsky on Happiness and How to be Happy

Following are bits of wisdom from I gleaned from her interview, in no particular order or priority, just as they came up in the discussion.

  • Lyubomirsky indicated her definition of happiness aligns well with colleague Ed Diener’s, indicating that happiness is a state of experiencing frequent positive emotion, more frequent positive than negative emotion. Also, the overall feeling that life is good.
  • Asked the point of this latest book, she responded that there are misconceptions about happiness that can lead to poor life choices and decisions. An example of this might be someone believing that she must be married or in a romantic relationship to be happy, causing her to form a relationship or even marry someone whom she doesn’t really love. As you’ll see below, the happiness aspect of marriage is part myth.
  • She described the myths of happiness as feelings of “I’ll be happy when…” When I find my true love, When I get rich, When I have a child, When (fill in the blank). She explains that many of these feelings that “I’ll be happy when…” or on the flip side, “My life will be ruined if…” are myths that fail to take into account a phenomena termed hedonic adaptation.
  • Hedonic adaptation is a scientific term for the human ability to adjust quite rapidly to new circumstances, causing bursts of happiness to fade more quickly than we think they will and blankets of despair to also fade quickly after the onset of bad news/circumstances.
  • To aid people in making good choices regarding happiness, she arranged the book around the common major turning points of life. Positive turning points include marriage, children, professional satisfaction, and wealth, while negative turning points include remaining single, divorce, financial ruin, and illness. For each turning point she covers the myths, exploding them with examples, as well as interventions anyone can do to smooth the transition to a new life situation.
  • She observed that nothing can permanently keep a surge of happiness going, but appreciation, gratitude, and variety can slow the adaptation.
  • People have a base-line or set-point of happiness, part of which is genetic, but the set-point can be changed, allowing one to become, on average, happier than before.
  • Happier people are more successful, more generous, more productive, and more helpful to others.
  • Happier people are more likely to get married.
  • Married people are happier than divorced, separated, or widowed people, but not happier than lifelong single people.
  • Relationships are THE most critical determinant of happiness. Or as psychologist Chris Peterson said, “Other people matter.”
  • When asked her favorite book on relationships, she responded with John Gottman’s, Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
  • She recommended Gottman’s book to anyone who is or wants to be in a romantic relationship.
  • In discussing the role of money in happiness she indicated if you’re poor, money makes a huge difference in your happiness, but once you have enough money above being poor, the more you have can make you happier, but it’s not as big a contributor to happiness as we might expect it to be. For example, two-thirds of the happiness benefits of a raise in income is erased after just one year.
  • Interestingly, she described ways to spend money that can lead to greater happiness. These three ways are :
  1. Anything leading to personal growth,
  2. Anything contributing to your community and the world, helping others,
  3. Anything that contributes to your relationships and connections to others
  • Lyubomirsky suggested that we can extend the happiness benefits of positive events by re-experiencing the memories as we re-visit them. On the negative events side, she suggested refraining from ruminating on negative memories, instead reflecting on what you learned from them.
  • Regarding unfulfilled dreams, confront the dream and re-frame who you are with respect to the unfulfilled dream. Don’t ruminate, but think of your life long term back and forward and place the current situation in perspective to your total life.

How to Find Happiness in Life

Finding happiness is behind nearly everything we do, so a book such as The Myths of Happiness, which is loaded with practical and validated tips for how to be happy is priceless. This book is well written, easily understood, and tailor-made for helping you deal with specific happiness-damaging life events such as divorce or layoff, as well as equipping you to set practical expectations for the happiness you’ll experience with the new job, the promotion, or finding the love of your life.

Books from Personal Growth Resources

What is Life all About? How do I Find my Purpose? is the latest in the Personal Growth Resources series of personal growth books. Other books in the series include:

Watch for future articles on this site. Better yet, Subscribe to Your Purposeful Growth Update by email.

Jerry Lopper – Personal Growth Resources

Build your life on a foundation of purpose

How Many of Our Beliefs are Lies?

 Beliefs, Fear, Personal Development  5 Responses »
Feb 132013
 

It’s interesting to note that the word belief contains the word lie. In fact, it’s true that much of what we believe to be true is not true. Many of our truths are buried deep within our subconscious minds, surfacing in automatic behaviors that we seldom question.

If asked to give a short presentation do you automatically respond with “No, I can’t do that, I’m not a good speaker?” Reflect on your automatic responses that begin with “I don’t” or “I can’t.” Think about how these statement finish. These may be self-limiting beliefs that limit what you allow yourself to do, and therefore are limiting who you allow yourself to become.

I’ve given many presentations and workshops, and am completely comfortable doing these. But for many years I professed that “I could never appear on TV.” And then I did, and it was quite enjoyable. I had limited myself needlessly.

I recently interviewed Dr. John McGrail, author of The Synthesis Effect. Dr. McGrail is a well-known personal development expert, knowledgeable in the workings of the human mind. I specifically wanted to hear Dr. McGrail’s views on self-limiting beliefs, how we form them, how they limit us, and how we can overcome them.

Dr. McGrail describes the most frequent self-limiting beliefs, how his process helps people overcome them, and who is most likely to be effective in overcoming these limitations. I think you’ll find his responses interesting and useful.

Read the full interview with Dr. McGrail here >>>.

Jerry

Susan Cain’s Quiet: An Introvert’s Validation

 Beliefs, Personal Development  3 Responses »
Jan 172013
 

Do you feel something’s wrong with you because you’d prefer a quiet evening at home to a boisterous party?

Do you know you need to network to grow your business, but it’s just so exhausting you avoid it?

Quiet

Image courtesy Random House

If the preceding statements resonated with you, like many of us, you’re probably an introvert, a word that has negative connotations in Western cultures. According to Susan Cain and her recent book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking (Crown Publishers, 2012), don’t fret, you’re in good company.

Estimates of the extent of introversion in America range from thirty to fifty-percent, a range that’s probably higher in Eastern cultures. Some of the great minds and contributors to humanity have been and are introverts, among them: scientists Sir Issac Newton and Albert Einstein, the poet Yeats, the composer Chopin, cartoonist Charles Schulz, film producer Steven Spielberg, and Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling.

Pretty good company. Yet most of us who tend to introversion somehow feel we’re lacking in precious social skills. Thanks to Cain and her exhaustive research, introversion may reach a place of honor alongside extroversion.

Or maybe it won’t. Cain describes in detail how extroversion has become the cultural favored personal characteristic. An extrovert’s outgoing nature, charming personality, assertiveness, and social skills have become the personality set of choice for those selected into leadership roles. The leading business and educational institutions foster, encourage, and reward those displaying an extrovert’s characteristics.

Thanks to Cain and her research, introverts the world over can now hold their heads up higher and take pride in their skill sets.

What’s important, according to Cain, is that the desirability of introversion or extroversion is situational. Circumstances determine which personality will flourish. Studies show that it’s the degree of initiative and risk-taking by employees that determines whether an introverted or extroverted leader is best. In situations where reward attraction can influence decisions, such as the stock market, an experienced day-trader says introverts, such as Warren Buffet, make better risk-reward decisions.

What’s important for introverts and extroverts alike is to recognize their strengths and weaknesses, making maximum use of their strengths and minimizing dependence on their weaknesses. Become aware of your strengths and weaknesses and accept them as part of who you are.

Books from Personal Growth Resources

What is Life all About? How do I Find my Purpose? is the latest in the Personal Growth Resources series of personal growth books. Other books in the series include:

Watch for future articles on this site. Better yet, Subscribe to Your Purposeful Growth Update by email.

Jerry Lopper – Personal Growth Resources

Build your life on a foundation of purpose

 

A Solution to Fear, Anxiety, & Panic Attacks

 Beliefs, Fear, Personal Development  3 Responses »
Nov 132012
 

Fear & Anxiety SolutionIf you follow my blog you know that I often write about fear—how it limits your personal growth blocking you from reaching full potential, and how to overcome it. So I jumped at the chance to read and review The Fear & Anxiety Solution by Friedemann Schaub, MD, PhD (Sounds True Publications, 2012).

Why is learning to deal with fear an important topic for purposeful growth? Dr. Schaub indicates that 20% of adults have anxiety disorder, which seems a very large percentage until I stop to think about the prevalence of fear and anxiety in our society.

Schaub lumps fear and anxiety together, using them interchangeably in his book. He goes on to say that one of the major reasons we are faced with fear and anxiety is that they often result from self-limiting beliefs—those beliefs we hold about self and the world which prevent us from becoming all we can be.

The Fear & Anxiety Solution: A Breakthrough Process for Healing and Empowerment with Your Subconscious Mind details Schaub’s process for working with his clients to heal their fears and anxieties. He states his process is different than others as he works with a person’s conscious, subconscious, and soul. His process takes advantage of our natural, inherent healing powers, with a focus on the subconscious as a key component.

Key Points to Consider

Dr. Schaub makes some excellent points throughout his book, one-liners that are insightful and thought-provoking, such as:

  • Emotions determine our experiences.
  • Fear and anxiety are not happening TO YOU, you’re creating them; therefore, you can un-create them.
  • Limiting beliefs eventually become self-fulfilling prophecies.
  • Fear and anxiety are just feelings your subconscious creates to reach your conscious.
  • The source of most fears: Losing something of value, Losing control, Being powerless.
  • The subconscious is your protector.
  • Two roles of the subconscious: Avoid danger and pain, Seek opportunities for pleasure and happiness.
  • Three causes of fear and anxiety: Inner conflicts within the subconscious, Suppressed stored emotions, Self-limiting beliefs.
  • Core beliefs can be your most powerful resource or greatest obstacle.
  • We’re always more than we think we are.

This is a very meaty book, filled with information sure to be useful to anyone seriously committed to living without fear and anxiety. Some of the chapters I found most interesting:

  • Chapter five on setting goals is excellent.
  • Ditto chapter six on eliminating negative self talk.
  • Chapter seven material on resolving inner conflicts, with a six step process for reintegrating conflicting personas of the subconscious and for recognizing and resolving recurring patterns of fear and anxiety.

There is much, much, more to Dr. Schaub’s total solution to fear and anxiety. Not an easy book, but one well worth taking on. Dr. Schaub works with clients at his Seattle, WA office, and reminded me he works effectively with clients all over the world via phone and Skype. If you can afford and prefer person-to-person contact, working with him may be your most effective solution to fear and anxiety.

But for the rest of us unable to meet person-to-person with Dr. Schaub, the question I had was this: Can a book such as The Fear & Anxiety Solution help someone identify and resolve issues that show up in their lives as fear and anxiety?  I emailed Dr. Schaub with that concern. Following is our exchange.

Interchange with Dr. Schaub

Jerry: Dr. Schaub, I’ve been reading The Fear and Anxiety Solution in preparation for my scheduled blog review on November 15th and have a lingering question I’d like you to address.

In reading the processes for uncovering and resolving the beliefs behind fear and anxiety, I’m struck by the feeling that this is an outstanding process which must be very helpful to many people in your professional practice. But the lingering question I have is can an individual successfully implement the solution simply by reading the book and following the detailed processes?

Do you have data that would give my readers the confidence that following your solution steps in the book, without the benefit of your personal interaction, can be successful?

Dr. Schaub: The processes described in this book have indeed helped many of my clients over the past decade to finally overcome fear and anxiety. I have found that working consciously with the subconscious mind is so effective that it takes an average of only 6 sessions for clients to achieve profound and lasting change.

When I meet with clients one-on-one, we spend some time working with the processes that are outlined in this book. For the readers we have made those processes available as an audio-program and in abbreviated versions as free downloads. In my practice individuals also receive regular homework between our sessions as a major part of the breakthrough program. While doing this homework, they implement the same techniques and tools described in the book.

Considering the additional guidance through recordings and the effectiveness of the homework, I am very confident that by going through the step-by-step program in The Fear and Anxiety Solution, individuals can gain fresh perspectives about fear and anxiety and establish new, empowering relationships with themselves.

I agree with you that a book does not necessarily replace the benefits of individual sessions. However, The Fear and Anxiety Solution comes very close and offers an effective and affordable alternative.

Jerry’s Conclusion: The free downloads Dr. Schaub references above are normally only offered to people after they subscribe to his newsletter. But Dr. Schaub has graciously provided that link to us in response to my concerns. With the added benefit of the free audios I recommend The Fear & Anxiety Solution. Isn’t it time you stopped living with the burdens of fear and anxiety?

Other Resources

Other recommended books I’ve reviewed which address the pain and suffering of fear and anxiety include:

Books from Personal Growth Resources

What is Life all About? How do I Find my Purpose? is the latest in the Personal Growth Resources series of personal growth books. Other books in the series include:

Watch for future articles on this site. Better yet, Subscribe to Your Purposeful Growth Update by email.

Jerry Lopper – Personal Growth Resources

Build your life on a foundation of purpose

Musing: What is Soul? Immortality?

 Beliefs, Personal Development, Spiritual  No Responses »
Sep 132012
 
Image Chicken Soup for Soul

Flikr.com Enokson, CC Attr License

 

 

I’ve been musing about body and soul lately, not my body and soul so much as the concept of soul. I believe souls are immortal; that concept simply feels right to me. Perhaps it’s just my personal comfort with the idea of my own soul’s immortality.

Most religions teach the concept of the soul’s immortality. Philosophers debate the very existence of soul, let alone whether soul is immortal. Whether soul exists, and if it does, whether it’s immortal cannot be proven, but I generally go by what feels right to me. And this feels right.

What is Soul?

I’ve been thinking that soul is the energy source for the body, the connection to universal source energy which brings life to a physical shell. Kind of like a battery.

Did you ever have your cell phone battery die, totally go dead? Before that, your phone is colorful, active, sending out signals and receiving signals; it’s alive in a sense.

When the battery dies, the phone becomes just a metal or plastic shell with no interaction with its surroundings—no life.

Body and Soul

Have you ever seen someone die? The person, despite being very ill, frail, and sickly, still has the ability to function: breathing, heart pumping, organs working, depth of eye, perhaps talking or making conscious motions. Then, just as if a plug were pulled, the person dies and becomes a shell, with pale, waxy skin and shallow, lifeless eyes.

It’s as if the person’s connection to its energy source has been removed. The soul has departed. Is soul the connecting cord or “battery” of life-energy which brings life to a physical body? Makes some sense to me.

I raised this question of soul on my Facebook page, which spurred some interesting discussion, such as:

  • …soul as the essential energy of who we are, our connection with the entire universe
  • …things beyond the human ability to understand, feel, measure, see
  • … soul as the energy that keeps the cells of our physical bodies together
  • The question is – what kind of energy are we and where do we go?
  • …and more, so

What do you think? Do you have an immortal soul?

More Resources for Personal Growth

What is Life all About? How do I Find my Purpose? is the latest in the Personal Growth Resources series of personal growth books. Other books in the series include The Happiness Workbook, Sample Personal Development Plan and Workbook, and 5 Keys to Balancing Work and Life.

Watch for future articles on this site. Better yet, Subscribe to Your Purposeful Growth Update by email.

Jerry Lopper – Personal Growth Resources

Build your life on a foundation of purpose

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