Love Archives » Purposeful Growth

Be Beautiful, Talented, Capable, & Make a Difference

Beliefs, Changing Habits, Fear, Love, Personal Development, Positive Attitude, Success 2 Responses »

Oct 292011

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I learned of this great little ebook that’s a perfect gift for people who fail to realize or refuse to accept their talents, beauty, and abilities. This can truly be a gift that makes a difference in someone’s life, maybe yours.

Courtesy Stephanie Voss

If you’ve been told you’re attractive but sloughed it off assuming the other person was either blind, wanted something from you, or didn’t get around much, Stephanie Voss’s new ebook, If I Could Tell You Just One Thing It Would Be This, is perfect for you.

If you admire people who accomplish things in their lives, but know you could never do the same, this book is for you.

If you’d love to be somebody, but feel like you’re nobody, this book is for you.

Looking in the Mirror

How many people can look in the mirror and sincerely tell themselves, “You are wise,” or “You can make a difference in this world?”

Most of us tend to focus on our weaknesses, our inabilities, our physical limitations, and our past mistakes, proving we’re not enough: not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or competent enough. Sadly, we have lots of help at this as so many people—even those who love us—find endless opportunities to “help us improve” by pointing out our failures and blemishes. Rather than helping us improve, this feedback often simply reinforces our negative views of self. Proving we’re not enough.

Voss gently guides the reader through ten powerful statements that many people refuse to make about the person they see in the mirror, such as “I am good,” “I am capable,” or “I am wise.”

Using personal examples and encouraging the reader to focus on her own experiences showing wisdom, capability, helpfulness, and loving, Voss helps the reader focus on the real person God created before the doubts, criticisms, and jealousies of others diminished her self-esteem and confidence.

Can If I Could Tell You One Thing Help?

Voss’s book will help you, or someone you love, reconnect with the beautiful, capable, powerful person God created. Though a bit pricey for an ebook at $14.99, it’s still a great value if it helps you accept and utilize your inherent talents and abilities. It appears to be available only in pdf format at this time.

Give yourself or someone you love the opportunity to live the life God intended with this wonderful little reminder of the greatness of each person.

For more information visit the home page of If I Could Tell You One Thing.

Full Disclosure: I’m not affiliated in any way with Voss or her book, nor do I profit from the sale of her book. I simply like this book and sincerely believe it can be a blessing to many people.

Overcome Negative Emotion with Emotional Freedom

Beliefs, Changing Habits, Fear, Love, Positive Attitude, Spiritual 6 Responses »

Feb 272011

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If you’re awash in a sea of negativity, Dr. Judith Orloff’s Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform your Life (Three Rivers Press), may be the life raft you need to lift yourself out of negativity and into the more healthful life of positive emotions. Emotional Freedom, just released in trade paperback, describes the processes Orloff uses to help her clients free themselves from the harmful and debilitating effects of negative emotions, such as fear, jealousy, anxiety, and depression.

A non-traditional psychologist, Orloff combines the sciences of biology and psychology with spirituality and intuitive energy to help people rid themselves of the unhealthy burdens of being buried in negative emotion.

Emotional freedom does not mean the freedom from emotion—emotion is a natural human response to circumstances and surroundings. Orloff’s definition of emotional freedom is to “Increase ability to love by cultivating positive emotions and being able to compassionately witness and transform negative emotions, whether they’re yours or anothers.”

Positive Attitudes are Healthier

Scientists know that people who tend to be positive, hopeful, and optimistic are healthier and happier than those who are negative, pessimistic, and cynical. Positivity is simply a healthier, more pleasant state of living. The idea is not to avoid all negative emotions, but to transform them into something more positive and healthful.

Emotional Freedom contains a brief, twenty question self-test to help you identify the extent to which negative emotions affect your life.

How to Deal with Negative Emotions

The process begins by recognizing a negative emotion and observing how it is affecting you. Orloff describes common negative emotions, such as fear and anxiety, and relates how they affect your biology, energy, spirituality, and psychology. Becoming aware of the four-fold impact of fear makes it easier to recognize that it has set upon you, enabling you to then choose to take action to move away from fear.

For each of nine common negative emotions shared by all of us at one time or another, Orloff describes a process of recognition, followed by suggested actions to transform the negative emotion into something more positive. For example, she demonstrates how to transform the negative emotion of fear into courage, the negative emotion of frustration into patience, and anger to compassion.

Overcome Fear—A Pervasive Negative Emotion

Emotional Freedom is worth the price just for its treatment of transforming fear to courage. Orloff calls fear the mother of all negative emotion. Fear is so widespread in our daily exposures to the media, religion, politics, government, management, and medical practices that most of us move from one state of fear to another without recognizing its harmful effects.

In the instant-culture of today, frustration is another rampant negative emotion. Witness how you feel in a long-line, awaiting your appearance before a sullen clerk gabbing and complaining to her buddy at the next checkout. Orloff shows you how to transform that frustrating experience into the calmness of patience. It’s amazing how much better you’ll feel.

The transformations recommended for nine common negative emotions: fear, anxiety, loneliness, anxiety, worry, depression, jealousy, envy, and anger make Emotional Freedom one of the terrific values in self-help books.

Orloff throws in lots of personal experiences of her own and those of her clients to illustrate her points. A section on dream interpretation seems unrelated to the main topic, but is interesting and useful.

If you recognize that your life is spent in negative emotion more than you’d like, Emotional Freedom will provide a good start toward the benefits of greater positive emotion.

Judith Orloff’s Emotional Freedom

Judith Orloff MD, a UCLA psychiatrist, presents her unique approach for viewing emotions as a path to spiritual and intuitive awakening. You’ll learn how to stop absorbing other people’s negativity and how to stay calm instead of reacting when your buttons get . Synthesizing neuroscience and intuitive/energy medicine, this book liberates you from fear—and the emotional vampires who suck you dry.

Purchase the book plus get your “Embrace Joy” gift collection at http://www.drjudithorloff.com/emotional-freedom-paperback/

Are You Growing Personally and Professionally?
Effective & Affordable Personal Growth Resources

Jerry Lopper, Personal Growth Coach

Member International Positive Psychology Association

The Ultimate Grief–Death of a Child

Love, Personal Development, Relationships, Spiritual 4 Responses »

Jan 052011

The ultimate grief for a parent—the one thing every parent fears the most—is the death of a child. It seems almost unnatural for a child—especially a young person—to die before the parent. But it happens and the effects can be devastating.

This is a very difficult topic, but an important one for those suffering the loss of a child. If you know people who have lost a child, please forward this on to them.

It’s been my good fortune to avoid this dreaded experience, but having friends who have lived through this—and come out whole—I jumped at the chance to review a new book devoted to the topic of losing an only child: Losing Your Only, A Guide to Recovery from Sorrow by Dr. Debi Yohn.

Rather than attempt a review myself, I asked for input from those who have experienced living with the death of a child and are qualified to write about their journey.

Judy Lennon, hospice social worker and bereavement counselor lost her son, Mark, to cancer at age 28. Brenda Layman, published author and popular outdoor writer, lost her daughter, Carol, at age 14.

For both women, writing about the experience has been therapeutic. Lennon’s book of her son’s poetry and musings, Shaping the Whole, is in pre-publication. Lennon reviewed an early draft of Losing Your Only and commented, “it’s an excellent draft and will be very helpful to many people. I especially liked the artful way Dr. Yohn weaves the story into her into her teaching on death, grief and spirituality.“

Layman’s book, Song of Joy: A Guide to Recovery from Sorrow, chronicles her journey from deep sorrow to a hope-filled life. For more about Layman or to purchase Song of Joy, click the book image.

Layman provides the following review of Losing Your Only, The Parental Journey through Grief, by Dr. Debi Yohn.

“The healing that comes with the sharing of grief is universal.” Dr. Debi Yohn

The pain parents feel upon the death of a child is excruciating. When that child is the only one, the loss is even more devastating. In Losing Your Only, The Parental Journey through Grief, by Dr. Debi Yohn, the author explores her personal experience, her son’s death, with the clarity of a professional therapist and the emotional immediacy of a bereaved mother. The result is a book that is objective without being cold, and compelling without being weepy. Yohn’s writing strikes chords of empathy, not just with parents who have experienced the deaths of children, but with any reader who has walked the path of grieving for a loved one who is with them no longer.

Yohn explores her changed life circumstances, wondering if, with no living child, she is still a mother. The answer, she finds, is yes. Parents are always parents. The bond between child and parent is not broken at death, only changed. This changed relationship is the crux of Yohn’s experience, the understanding of which she seeks to share with readers.

The sudden death of Yohn’s son, Levi, plunged her into grief and confusion. Her journey of healing led her down new paths as she explored a wider understanding of spirituality. Her loss became a source of personal growth, and from her pain and sorrow grew a deeper connection with life. These are the lessons she seeks to share. Hers is a voice that carries the conviction and quiet humility of experience.

Experiencing grief so suddenly and deeply shakes the foundation of a life. Overnight, Yohn went from a professional counselor whose knowledge of such overwhelming struggles was academic, to a person whose own life was changed forever by tragedy. As she was forced to realign her understanding of herself as a mother, her identity as a therapist also underwent a change. It is apparent to the reader that Yohn has become a mother in an even more profound sense, with her ability to nurture grieving souls becoming greater as the depth of her understanding of sorrow grows. As she writes:

“As the cloud of grief clears I find I am smiling and I do feel joy. I want others in their initial stage of grief to know that they too will smile and will find joy.”

Losing Your Only, The Parental Journey through Grief, is a deeply comforting book. Yohn’s words are like a warm shower of compassion, running over the reader, seeping into the places that are raw and painful, healing those wounds with understanding and hope.

Brenda Layman, Select Author

Editor’s Note:

Thank you for your interest in Losing Your Only, by Dr Debi Yohn. This is a very
personal story which helped Dr Yohn discover her purpose—to motivate and support
parents and others to live life to their highest potential. To learn more about Dr. Yohn or to purchase the digital version of Losing Your Only (currently available), please click the book image, where you can also register to be notified when the print and audio versions are available.

Charitable Giving, Philanthropy, and Unique Gift Ideas

Love, Relationships No Responses »

Jul 052009

This article is not about tithing, nor a guilt-inducing expose’ of people who desperately need help. Not to diminish the importance of those topics; but this article is about unique gifts that cost little or nothing, yet can bring a lifetime of love and happiness.

If you’re searching for a unique anniversary gift idea, a unique gift for a special person’s birthday, or other special-occasion gift, you’ll love this

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idea. If you hate to shop and are frugal (tight) with your spending, you’ll really love this idea. The unique gift idea is love.

Love. It’s free, readily available, inexhaustible, and highly valued by everyone.

Benefits of Generosity and Unconditional Love

By giving your love—a very special form of your love—you’ll be practicing philanthropy and charitable giving while spending little or nothing. What you give will be invaluable but won’t cost a cent. That’s the beauty of generosity, acts of kindness, and unselfish, unconditional love. They’re free. They’re easy (with some practice). And they’ll be treasured by those to whom you’re giving.

There’s more good news. When you practice generous, charitable giving, giving of your unconditional love to those special to you and those you barely know, you’ll also benefit. Positive psychology researcher Dr. Stephen G. Post notes that “It’s abundantly clear from a number of studies that people who live generous lives also live happier lives.”

True generosity, giving of your time, energy, and love is good for everyone – giver and receiver alike. If, on top of giving your loving time and energy you also contribute material resources (goods and money)—more in line with the normal concept of charitable giving—all the better.

What is Unconditional Love?

If this is a new concept for you and maybe you find yourself a bit skeptical, there are ample reasons. Culturally, we’re taught to generously give material resources to those in need, but to jealously guard the love we give. The latter is seldom spoken literally, but our models of love and relationships tend to focus on loving those who earn it by conforming to certain conditions.

This model results in conditional love, which isn’t really love at all, but it’s a widespread understanding of it. Conditional love is not generous and it’s not kind. Therefore, it doesn’t earn the everlasting gratitude of a partner, nor does it provide the health and happiness benefits found by Dr. Post. What conditional love does provide though, is conditional love in return. Not very satisfying.

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Get Started Giving a Unique Gift

The best way to learn to give this magical gift of unconditional love is simply to do it. Practice does make perfect. Start with someone special or start with the next homeless person asking for help.

Begin by deciding to love unconditionally. This is critical. It won’t happen without your conscious intent to love another without regard to who they are or what they do.

With a firm intention to simply love in your mind, how you behave and treat the person will align perfectly with what that person needs at the time.

Take the example of a homeless person asking for money for food. Would you normally hold back thinking she’ll just blow your gift on drugs or alcohol?

If you love unconditionally you’ll be generous without caring what she does with the money. Sure, you can hope it will go for food, but what if it doesn’t? Why would you care? You could go an extra step and buy some food to give her, but isn’t that still putting some conditions on the gift?

How Does This Work With a Loved One?

Providing that unique gift of unconditional love to someone close to you is really very simple. Form the intent as mentioned above. Then tell the person that he’s loved and that he always will be loved, without any conditions. Express your desire that he get out of life exactly what he wants from life with your full support and encouragement.

A Cautionary Note

Giving unconditional love does not mean that you submit to abusive behavior, verbal or physical. Loving yourself requires that you separate yourself from those whose behavior is hurtful. You can still love the person and wish the very best for them, but take yourself out of their influence.

Feeling overwhelmed and out of balance?

Balanced Life In Ten Weeks

Jerry Lopper, Life Purpose Coach

Member International Positive Psychology Association

The Shack: A Belated Review

Beliefs, Love, Spiritual No Responses »

Feb 132009

The Shack(Windblown Media, CA. 2007), a book by Wm. Paul Young is a must read for anyone who has ever wrestled with the question of why an all-powerful God doesn’t prevent evil-doers from

harming the innocent. Though The Shack was published in 2007, I just became aware of it and was touched sufficiently that I was moved to write about it.Neale Donald Walsch’s Conversations with God series described God entering into a series of friendly, give and take conversations with Neale, a common, non-religious man struggling with life questions. Young goes a step further, describing Mackenzie Philips’s weekend in the mountains as God’s guest.

Mackenzie (Mack) has suffered a situation the thought of which terrifies every parent. His daughter, Missy, goes missing and appears to have been abducted and murdered by a serial killer.

While Mack is immersed in what he calls The Great Sadness, he receives a simple note in the mail inviting him to meet at the shack. The note is signed Papa, the name Mack’s wife Nan gives to God. The shack is clearly the remote cabin where Missy was murdered, though only her bloody clothing had been recovered.

Thinking the note is either a hoax or a cruel trick by the murderer, Mack feels drawn to go. To his surprise, he is welcomed by the Holy Trinity, God appearing physically as a large, African-American woman, Jesus as a small, plain man, and Sarayu, the Holy Spirit, seen as a vaporous, shimmering energy.

That weekend Mack learns of God’s true and unconditional love for all beings and the reason for life – to experience relationships. Conditioned in youth to a wrathful, demanding, and vengeful God, Mack slowly adjusts and understands that God’s true power is love, at all times and for all beings.

This is an inspiring work of fiction, one that will have you crying and smiling, saddened and joyous, and will leave you with a different view of God and the role of religion.

Additional reading for those interested in a lengthier review of The Shack.

Feeling overwhelmed and out of balance?

Balanced Life In Ten Weeks

Jerry Lopper, Life Purpose Coach

Member International Coach Federation

Member International Positive Psychology Association

The Kindness Cure

Happiness, Health, Love, Relationships No Responses »

Dec 022008

What gift costs nothing and benefits the giver as much or more than gift receiver?

Kindness.

The gift of kindness is available to each of us with countless opportunities each day. Kindness is a form of generosity, which

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researchers have shown to be beneficial to the health and happiness of the giver. Costing nothing and improving health and happiness are two pretty good arguments for choosing to be kind.CJ Scarlet has committed to performing one act of kindness each day as an inspiration to all of us to be kind, generous, and thoughtful to others. CJ initiated the Kindness Cure social website to give each of us a place to discuss, socialize, and inspire acts of kindness.

CJ’s goal is to inspire 20,000 others to join, committing to one act of kindness each week (that’s not very difficult). At that rate the world would be one million acts of kindness better off than before.

Why not become a part of this worldwide initiative.Go to www.thekindnesscure.org to register and commit to one act of kindness each week. Kindness is easy – a smile, a good-morning, giving up a seat on the bus or train to an elderly or disabled person, helping a young mother with her burden of groceries and youngsters, … you get the idea. It’s easy.

The Kindness Cure now has over 165 members, participating in 10 discussion groups. Join the general project and any or all of the 10 sub-groups, such Self-Kindness, which I lead.

Share your tips, inspirations, and kind acts with others and you’ll feel good, help other people, and contribute to a kinder world.

Join the Kindness Cure.