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Personal Growth Resources 

How Many of Our Beliefs are Lies?

 Beliefs, Fear, Personal Development  5 Responses »
Feb 132013
 

It’s interesting to note that the word belief contains the word lie. In fact, it’s true that much of what we believe to be true is not true. Many of our truths are buried deep within our subconscious minds, surfacing in automatic behaviors that we seldom question.

If asked to give a short presentation do you automatically respond with “No, I can’t do that, I’m not a good speaker?” Reflect on your automatic responses that begin with “I don’t” or “I can’t.” Think about how these statement finish. These may be self-limiting beliefs that limit what you allow yourself to do, and therefore are limiting who you allow yourself to become.

I’ve given many presentations and workshops, and am completely comfortable doing these. But for many years I professed that “I could never appear on TV.” And then I did, and it was quite enjoyable. I had limited myself needlessly.

I recently interviewed Dr. John McGrail, author of The Synthesis Effect. Dr. McGrail is a well-known personal development expert, knowledgeable in the workings of the human mind. I specifically wanted to hear Dr. McGrail’s views on self-limiting beliefs, how we form them, how they limit us, and how we can overcome them.

Dr. McGrail describes the most frequent self-limiting beliefs, how his process helps people overcome them, and who is most likely to be effective in overcoming these limitations. I think you’ll find his responses interesting and useful.

Read the full interview with Dr. McGrail here >>>.

Jerry

A Solution to Fear, Anxiety, & Panic Attacks

 Beliefs, Fear, Personal Development  3 Responses »
Nov 132012
 

Fear & Anxiety SolutionIf you follow my blog you know that I often write about fear—how it limits your personal growth blocking you from reaching full potential, and how to overcome it. So I jumped at the chance to read and review The Fear & Anxiety Solution by Friedemann Schaub, MD, PhD (Sounds True Publications, 2012).

Why is learning to deal with fear an important topic for purposeful growth? Dr. Schaub indicates that 20% of adults have anxiety disorder, which seems a very large percentage until I stop to think about the prevalence of fear and anxiety in our society.

Schaub lumps fear and anxiety together, using them interchangeably in his book. He goes on to say that one of the major reasons we are faced with fear and anxiety is that they often result from self-limiting beliefs—those beliefs we hold about self and the world which prevent us from becoming all we can be.

The Fear & Anxiety Solution: A Breakthrough Process for Healing and Empowerment with Your Subconscious Mind details Schaub’s process for working with his clients to heal their fears and anxieties. He states his process is different than others as he works with a person’s conscious, subconscious, and soul. His process takes advantage of our natural, inherent healing powers, with a focus on the subconscious as a key component.

Key Points to Consider

Dr. Schaub makes some excellent points throughout his book, one-liners that are insightful and thought-provoking, such as:

  • Emotions determine our experiences.
  • Fear and anxiety are not happening TO YOU, you’re creating them; therefore, you can un-create them.
  • Limiting beliefs eventually become self-fulfilling prophecies.
  • Fear and anxiety are just feelings your subconscious creates to reach your conscious.
  • The source of most fears: Losing something of value, Losing control, Being powerless.
  • The subconscious is your protector.
  • Two roles of the subconscious: Avoid danger and pain, Seek opportunities for pleasure and happiness.
  • Three causes of fear and anxiety: Inner conflicts within the subconscious, Suppressed stored emotions, Self-limiting beliefs.
  • Core beliefs can be your most powerful resource or greatest obstacle.
  • We’re always more than we think we are.

This is a very meaty book, filled with information sure to be useful to anyone seriously committed to living without fear and anxiety. Some of the chapters I found most interesting:

  • Chapter five on setting goals is excellent.
  • Ditto chapter six on eliminating negative self talk.
  • Chapter seven material on resolving inner conflicts, with a six step process for reintegrating conflicting personas of the subconscious and for recognizing and resolving recurring patterns of fear and anxiety.

There is much, much, more to Dr. Schaub’s total solution to fear and anxiety. Not an easy book, but one well worth taking on. Dr. Schaub works with clients at his Seattle, WA office, and reminded me he works effectively with clients all over the world via phone and Skype. If you can afford and prefer person-to-person contact, working with him may be your most effective solution to fear and anxiety.

But for the rest of us unable to meet person-to-person with Dr. Schaub, the question I had was this: Can a book such as The Fear & Anxiety Solution help someone identify and resolve issues that show up in their lives as fear and anxiety?  I emailed Dr. Schaub with that concern. Following is our exchange.

Interchange with Dr. Schaub

Jerry: Dr. Schaub, I’ve been reading The Fear and Anxiety Solution in preparation for my scheduled blog review on November 15th and have a lingering question I’d like you to address.

In reading the processes for uncovering and resolving the beliefs behind fear and anxiety, I’m struck by the feeling that this is an outstanding process which must be very helpful to many people in your professional practice. But the lingering question I have is can an individual successfully implement the solution simply by reading the book and following the detailed processes?

Do you have data that would give my readers the confidence that following your solution steps in the book, without the benefit of your personal interaction, can be successful?

Dr. Schaub: The processes described in this book have indeed helped many of my clients over the past decade to finally overcome fear and anxiety. I have found that working consciously with the subconscious mind is so effective that it takes an average of only 6 sessions for clients to achieve profound and lasting change.

When I meet with clients one-on-one, we spend some time working with the processes that are outlined in this book. For the readers we have made those processes available as an audio-program and in abbreviated versions as free downloads. In my practice individuals also receive regular homework between our sessions as a major part of the breakthrough program. While doing this homework, they implement the same techniques and tools described in the book.

Considering the additional guidance through recordings and the effectiveness of the homework, I am very confident that by going through the step-by-step program in The Fear and Anxiety Solution, individuals can gain fresh perspectives about fear and anxiety and establish new, empowering relationships with themselves.

I agree with you that a book does not necessarily replace the benefits of individual sessions. However, The Fear and Anxiety Solution comes very close and offers an effective and affordable alternative.

Jerry’s Conclusion: The free downloads Dr. Schaub references above are normally only offered to people after they subscribe to his newsletter. But Dr. Schaub has graciously provided that link to us in response to my concerns. With the added benefit of the free audios I recommend The Fear & Anxiety Solution. Isn’t it time you stopped living with the burdens of fear and anxiety?

Other Resources

Other recommended books I’ve reviewed which address the pain and suffering of fear and anxiety include:

Books from Personal Growth Resources

What is Life all About? How do I Find my Purpose? is the latest in the Personal Growth Resources series of personal growth books. Other books in the series include:

Watch for future articles on this site. Better yet, Subscribe to Your Purposeful Growth Update by email.

Jerry Lopper – Personal Growth Resources

Build your life on a foundation of purpose

What is a Legacy? Can it Lead to Life Purpose?

 Fear, Life Purpose, Personal Development  No Responses »
Mar 262012
 

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Last Will and Testament

Flikr.com, Ken_Mayer, CC Attr Lic.

Sometimes the best way to reach an end goal is to visualize the goal as achieved and work backward. This article continues the series of processes and tools you can use to find your life purpose. In this process we’ll start at the end by assuming you’ve discovered and lived your purpose for many years, and we’ll work backward from there.

The end in this case is the end of your life; that’s right, if your question is “How do I find my life purpose?” one answer is to start by visualizing the end of your life. Not your actual death—that’s too morbid and will sabotage the whole process. Instead, think in more positive terms of what you’ll leave behind—your legacy.

What is a Legacy?

The dictionary definition of legacy follows from law: legacy is a gift or bequest of personal property granted through a person’s last will and testament. For our purposes in using legacy to find a meaningful life, we’ll use a much broader definition.

We’ll define legacy as your qualities and characteristics of being that you leave in the memories of those who care about you. If you’re living in alignment with your purpose you will make a positive impact on other’s lives—the nature of life purpose guarantees that.

Leave a Legacy

Without becoming morose by dwelling on your death, think about the way you want to be remembered. Think about the thoughts of loved-ones when they think fondly of you after you’ve passed. What wisdom, what strengths, what favorite sayings do you want them to carry in their minds at times when they most need them?

Think of your loved ones who have passed. What thoughts do you have of them? Are there times when something pops into your mind that was a favorite saying or a quality of someone you loved and respected? Do those memories provide guidance or help you make decisions, or make sense of things in your life? These are examples of legacies. They need not be profound, though they may be. For example…

A Legacy about Pain

If you’ve followed the articles I’ve written over the years you know that I often write about fears—the impact fears have on our lives and the tools for overcoming fears that limit personal growth. A legacy my deceased father left me eluded me for many years, just recently coming to the fore as I faced a tooth extraction.

I’ve had a fear of dentist-induced pain for many years, probably beginning when I was young, with a dentist who filled cavities without Novocain.

Now many, many years later, I was pondering the fear I was feeling for the necessary extraction coming in a few days. As if he were speaking to me, I could hear my father’s voice as he described a medical procedure he was to undergo. He said, “I’m not afraid of pain, what scares me is if they can no longer do something to help me.”

The part that stuck with me was, “I’m not afraid of pain.” Now my father wasn’t some macho guy, he was quiet and private, rarely sharing his feelings. Though I didn’t dwell on it at the time, this simple statement, I later realized, summarized much about him. Here was his simple legacy.

If he wasn’t afraid of pain, I wouldn’t be either.

That’s the practical kind of legacy I’m talking about, not Gandhi, Mother Teresa, or Martin Luther King-legacy, but a practical, every-day legacy that you and I can leave to our loved ones simply by living our lives in alignment with purpose.

Find Your Life Purpose

Image Courtesy Life on Purpose Institute

What is your Legacy?

Make a list of the legacies you want to leave behind. What qualities, characteristics, and wisdom will you want residing in the subconscious memories of those who love you?

Reflect on your list. Do you feel good thinking of those you love remembering these things about you? These qualities and characteristics are clues to your life purpose. When you live a life aligned with purpose, you will be remembered and remembered fondly for the impact you’ve made on loved ones.

I hope the self-reflection introduced by this process helps you move closer to finding your life purpose. The articles listed below contain even more tools for finding the meaningful life you deserve. A useful summary of the entire process for finding life purpose can be found in Find the Purpose of your Life.

Watch for future articles on this site. Better yet, Subscribe to Your Purposeful Growth Update by email.

Jerry Lopper – Personal Growth Resources

Build your life on a foundation of purpose

Is Fear Keeping You From Your Life Purpose?

 Fear, Life Purpose, Personal Development  No Responses »
Jan 122012
 

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What are you afraid of?

Lucia Flikr CC Attr

What’s keeping you from working whole-heartedly to find your life purpose? Despite the attraction of discovering a purpose to your life and knowing for sure the reason for your being alive, there may be one or more fears that are holding you back subconsciously.

Motivational speaker and retired Master Air Force Sergeant Eldonna Lewis-Fernandez, AKA The Pink Biker Chic identifies eleven common fears. Her premise on overcoming fear is that you must first identify the fears holding you back before you can break free of the hold they have on you.

Four Fears Holding You Back

I’ve selected four of Lewis-Fernandez’s eleven fears to illustrate how one or more of these might be keeping you subconsciously resistant to discovering your true purpose in life.

1.0 “Fear of Success – This is actually a fear of achieving your dreams and standing out. Fear of the attention you will receive should you actually realize success… We all have things we want to achieve in life but, by giving into this particular fear, you lose faith in yourself and your abilities, and also faith in those who truly have your best interest at heart and want to see you succeed.”

Though it might seem silly at first to think that the fear of success can keep you from achieving your dreams, it’s actually a very common fear—one I’ve dealt with myself. Finding your true life purpose carries with it an inherent responsibility to live up to that purpose. That’s where the fears creep in. What if you can’t live up to it? What if your life purpose places you in an unpopular position relative to your friends and family?

Rest assured, there is nothing more beautiful and more attractive to others than someone who is fully aligned with purpose. Living in alignment is authentic and attractive, filling the individual with an inner beauty and energy that is much admired by others.

2.0 “Fear of (Inner) Power – (Inner) Power is your proverbial fuel source – where your inner strength emanates from, (and) your passions burn bright. It’s the juice that allows you to keep going in the face of adversity.”

The inner power of living a meaningful life aligned with purpose is the juice that makes you jump out of bed in the morning raring to go. It’s the fuel that attracts others to your integrity and authenticity. Your friends will say you’ve “got it all together.”

The fear that your inner power will cause you to stand out is real. You will stand out, but in such a positive, attractive way that you’ll be amazed you ever feared the result.

3.0 “Fear of Failure – All too often we stop short of attempting something new for fear we might embarrass our self or, worse, fail all together…failure is part of the road toward success and should not be feared but embraced as an opportunity for growth.”

In reality, when searching for the meaningful, fulfilling life you can’t fail. It’s there, deep within your inner wisdom. It’s been there since you were born. Every step you take toward discovering your purpose brings you valuable insight. Every approach, even those that fail to bring insight is a small success, even if you only rule out aspects of your purpose.

4.0 “Fear of Vulnerability – While it can be uncomfortable and downright scary to open your self up and expose your true inner self and your ideas and aspirations to others of importance in your life, doing so can be cathartic – and a true turning point in effecting positive change.  Letting down your guard takes courage and strength, and allowing yourself to be vulnerable can help you better relate with people on a more intimate and personal level.”

This might be the biggest fear holding you back. It does take great courage to not only find your life purpose but to declare it to the world. And declare it you will. Once you know your purpose, your words and actions will begin reflecting your purpose. Others will see you for who you are, and they’ll love you for it.

The first time I declared my life purpose, writing it in an article that I published, believe me, I was afraid. Afraid of ridicule and rejection I might receive. But it didn’t happen. It was freeing to make the declaration, and now I do it regularly.

Identify Fears Blocking Life Purpose

If you’ve been on the verge of jumping into a full-blown effort to find your life purpose, but for some reason back down or stop short, one or more of these fears might be holding you back. Look in the mirror, accept and acknowledge the fear(s) as your first step along that wonderful journey to a meaningful, fulfilling life.

Find Your Life Purpose

Image Courtesy Life on Purpose Institute

Thanks to: Eldonna Lewis-Fernandez, an engaging motivational speaker known internationally as The Pink Biker Chic – a brand developed to empower individuals to take control of the handlebars of their lives through the power of PINK: Power, Integrity, Negotiation and Knowledge. Don’t let the pink fool you.  Retired Air Force Master Sergeant Eldonna Lewis-Fernandez is a force to be reckoned with.  She trains women and men how to re-think and re-direct their energies for higher performance and better bottom-line professional and personal decisions. She may be reached online at www.PinkBikerChic.com

Be Beautiful, Talented, Capable, & Make a Difference

 Beliefs, Changing Habits, Fear, Love, Personal Development, Positive Attitude, Success  2 Responses »
Oct 292011
 

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I learned of this great little ebook that’s a perfect gift for people who fail to realize or refuse to accept their talents, beauty, and abilities. This can truly be a gift that makes a difference in someone’s life, maybe yours.

Ebook Cover

Courtesy Stephanie Voss

If you’ve been told you’re attractive but sloughed it off assuming the other person was either blind, wanted something from you, or didn’t get around much, Stephanie Voss’s new ebook, If I Could Tell You Just One Thing It Would Be This, is perfect for you.

If you admire people who accomplish things in their lives, but know you could never do the same, this book is for you.

If you’d love to be somebody, but feel like you’re nobody, this book is for you.

Looking in the Mirror

How many people can look in the mirror and sincerely tell themselves, “You are wise,” or “You can make a difference in this world?”

Most of us tend to focus on our weaknesses, our inabilities, our physical limitations, and our past mistakes, proving we’re not enough: not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or competent enough. Sadly, we have lots of help at this as so many people—even those who love us—find endless opportunities to “help us improve” by pointing out our failures and blemishes. Rather than helping us improve, this feedback often simply reinforces our negative views of self. Proving we’re not enough.

Voss gently guides the reader through ten powerful statements that many people refuse to make about the person they see in the mirror, such as “I am good,” “I am capable,” or “I am wise.”

Using personal examples and encouraging the reader to focus on her own experiences showing wisdom, capability, helpfulness, and loving, Voss helps the reader focus on the real person God created before the doubts, criticisms, and jealousies of others diminished her self-esteem and confidence.

Can If I Could Tell You One Thing Help?

Voss’s book will help you, or someone you love, reconnect with the beautiful, capable, powerful person God created. Though a bit pricey for an ebook at $14.99, it’s still a great value if it helps you accept and utilize your inherent talents and abilities. It appears to be available only in pdf format at this time.

Give yourself or someone you love the opportunity to live the life God intended with this wonderful little reminder of the greatness of each person.

For more information visit the home page of If I Could Tell You One Thing.

Full Disclosure: I’m not affiliated in any way with Voss or her book, nor do I profit from the sale of her book. I simply like this book and sincerely believe it can be a blessing to many people.

Strategies for Stress: How to Deal with the Stress of Bad Times

 Changing Habits, Fear, Personal Development, Positive Attitude, Relationships  No Responses »
Sep 272011
 

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Upside of Down Times image

Image Courtesy of Planned Television Arts

While we can’t always avoid negative events in our lives—despite our best Law of Attraction efforts—we can control how we react to the bad stuff that happens to us all.

That’s the theme of Dr. Rob Pennington’s Find the Upside of the Down Times: How to Turn your Worst Experiences into your Best Opportunities! (Resource International, 2011).

Dr. Pennington catches your attention immediately with the opening sentence of his first chapter: “I was shot in the center of the chest by an unknown assailant…It was one of the best things that ever happened to me.”

Most of us manage to avoid being shot, but that’s not all he’s encountered in his life. The hospital bill for his treatment back in 1982 was $36,000. Pennington was self-employed, without medical insurance. Reflecting on this financial problem, he states again, “this was one of the best things that ever happened to me.”

There’s a term for people who deny negative events by casting them in a positive light—it’s called being a Pollyanna, after the main character in the 1913 best seller of the same name by Eleanor H. Porter, whose character viewed only the positive side of any event. The Pollyanna term implies naivety and a failing to face reality.

But Pennington isn’t being Pollyannaish. He doesn’t deny the hardships he underwent in facing the events mentioned above, nor in a series of other life events, such as being divorced by his first wife, being fired from his job, being targeted by the IRS in an audit, and being threatened with divorce by his second wife, later becoming her caregiver when she suffered from MS.

Instead, he’s taken the approach of facing life’s negative events with an approach of taking positive action to find opportunities for moving on. He reminds us of the saying, “When one door closes, another opens,” though he notes that finding the open door requires one to turn around and look for it.

Those who prefer remaining in the spotlight often afforded victims of bad stuff will not like Find the Upside of the Down Times. Indeed, they are likely to take offense at the implicit suggestion to get on with your life. Pennington doesn’t render judgment on those in this situation, preferring to focus his advice for those ready to move on, but unsure how to begin.

Strategies for Making the Most of Bad Times

Among the many excellent tips for turning bad events into positive opportunities are these:

  • When you’re stuck in traffic or a slow bank queue and you’re going to be late for an important appointment, why compound it by becoming angry, frustrated, and anxious? Being stuck is a fact you probably can’t change, but you don’t have to submit your body and mind to the stresses of anger. Why compound the problem by hurting yourself even more with your mental state? Instead, use these frustrating circumstances of daily life as a time for relaxation. Breathe deeply and slowly, and think of pleasant thoughts.
  • Follow this three-step process for locating the positive opportunities within negative events:

1. Capture your thoughts about the negative event, such as: If I’m late for my appointment my client will terminate our contract.

2. Identify the negative connotation words and strike them out, such as: If I’m late for my appointment my client will terminate our contract.

3. Restate the sentence with positive, believable words, such as: If I’m late for my appointment my client will initially be upset but will fully understand my unavoidable delay and will recognize the circumstances could happen to anyone. And he’ll be pleased when I back up my apology by giving him a 10% discount on his next order.

  • When you feel stress, consider that stress is your body’s signal that something must be changed. When you take any action to change the situation your stress level will naturally reduce. Pennington provides a five-step process for proactive change to reduce stress.
  • Many negative events involve relationship issues. Pennington suggests reflecting on the annoying behaviors of the other person that are affecting your relationship. Put the behaviors into two categories: Preferences and Requirements.
    • Requirements are just that, behaviors that are required for the relationship to continue. Violating requirements is a deal-breaker. Examples might be physical or verbal abuse, extra-marital affairs, or criminal behavior. If your relationship issues involve requirements, your partner must understand that continuation will dissolve the relationship.
    • Preferences are all behaviors that are not requirements. While you may strongly prefer that your partner clean up after himself, you may decide that behavior can be tolerated in light of the overall relationship benefits. But if you decide this is a requirement, it must be clearly indicated as a deal-breaker if no behavior change is made.

Upside of Down Times image

Find the Upside of the Down Times is a small book, but a powerful tool for learning to recover control when bad stuff interrupts your life. To peek inside and order your copy from Amazon click the cover. For more about Dr. Pennington, visit his website.

Pennington’s book assumes a readiness to consider moving forward. This readiness may require getting past the “why me” questions. Many times when life’s negative events drastically change the course of our lives we have a hard time understanding why, why did this happen to me when I’ve done my best to live a good life? For those struggling with these why questions, I recommend Rabbi Harold Kushner’s When Bad Things Happen to Good People (First Anchor Books, 1981).

These two books are perfect complements to each other, providing helpful insights and advice for both the “Why did this happen to me ?” and the “Now what do I do?” questions.

Your Stories

We all face challenges in life and with a bit of self-reflection you may be able to recognize how you’ve grown and benefited by some of the challenges you’ve faced. Pennington seeks your stories at his Find the Upside of the Down Times website.

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