Purposeful Growth

Forgiveness is not an act of charity to another, it is a
burden-lifting gift to yourself.

Someone did you wrong and you’re angry; you’re not just
angry, you’re plotting a way to get even.You can’t wait to see that so-and-so, and turn the tables on him.

Does this describes your present state of mind? My advice to you, assuming you prefer joy and happiness in your life, is to forgive. When we carry a grudge we carry a burden. When we plot revenge we re-live the perceived wrong over and over
again. If it didn’t feel good the first time, why subject
yourself to it over and over?

One reason to continue holding a grudge, plotting revenge,
and harboring anger and resentment might be for the sheer
“pleasure” of the conflict. Conflict is exciting. We may not
like to admit it, but doesn’t a street fight always attract a
crowd? Doesn’t a spirited disagreement between celebrity
spouses attract lots of attention?

Painful as it may be to face it, ask the question, “What do I
want, peace and calm or conflict and combat?”

If the answer is conflict and combat, stop reading this
article because it’s not what you’re after.

To achieve the peace and calm I now assume you desire since
you’re still reading, forgive the transgression that you’ve
been harboring. Give it up. It’s hurting you. Anger adversely
affects your body and mind. The object of your anger isn’t
affected at all. Carrying anger simply magnifies the original
transgression and extends it.

What does it mean to forgive? We usually think of
forgiveness as a generous act which pardons another person
for wrongdoing. In this context, forgiveness is directed
toward another, as in “I forgive you for saying hurtful
things to me yesterday.” The forgiver then feels magnanimous
having granted a pardon to the sinner. Often we forgive only
after the sinner has contritely apologized; sometimes we
forgive expecting the apology.

However, one meaning of forgive is to give up resentment or
claim to retaliation. In this context, forgiveness is not
about another person-it’s about us. When I realize that I
feel better when I give up anger and vengeful thinking
toward another, it makes sense that forgiveness is something
I give to myself, not something I grant to another. What
better gift might I give myself than peace, calm, and
serenity? We cannot simultaneously feel anger and peace. We
cannot be serene while planning revenge.

This definition of forgiveness-to give up resentment-gives
meaning to “turn the other cheek.” It’s not a passive
acceptance of more wrongdoing, it’s a turning away from the
event altogether. When we give up our resentment and anger,
we withdraw energy from the event-without energy, every
human act shrivels and dies. That’s the meaning of the
phrase, “what you resist, persists.”

When we forgive a perceived wrongdoing by giving up
resentment and anger, we withdraw our energy from the past
event and preclude a continuing sequence of revenge,
retribution, payback, and reprisal-we literally starve the
process before it escalates.

Forgiveness is more than a magnanimous act of charity.
Forgiveness is a gift to ourselves-a gift of peace, calm,
and serenity. Forgive and forget allows us to move on to
activities with positive potential-activities with the
possibility of joy.

Do something nice for yourself right now. Give up one
harbored anger or resentment you hold. Give it up. Just
visualize throwing it in the trash. Do it and notice how you
feel as the burden is lifted from your shoulders.

Related Articles:

Peaceful Mind: part attitude, part awareness, part acceptance

Put Down Your Baggage

Tranquility: A choice place to live

Did you ever long for just a few moments of peace and quiet? Have you ever wondered how some people can appear calm and peaceful when others are agitated, irritated, angry, and troubled? A peaceful mind is not something we’re lucky to find every once in a while, it’s something we can learn to create for ourselves at any time.

Creating a peaceful mind takes:

• Attitude
• Awareness
• Acceptance.

Attitude
A peaceful mind is untroubled, not just when surrounding circumstances are calm, but even when conflict and turmoil prevail. Think of peace of mind as something to choose, not something that is given or found. Choosing a calm mentality and viewpoint is empowering; waiting or hoping for someone or something to give it to us leaves us unaccountable and disempowered.

When we decide that peace of mind is a choice we’ve taken a very important step in attitude. Attitude is a leaning towards

something; in this case we’re leaning toward taking control of our thoughts, of our feelings, and emotions. And we’re choosing peace of mind. 

Awareness
Initially when moving toward a more peaceful mindset you’ll probably find that you have frequent setbacks. This is where awareness is important. Plant in your subconscious the intent to spot the lack of a peaceful mindset. You’ll find the subconscious a diligent and faithful monitor. Sometimes we find these reminders annoying. It’s perfectly acceptable to decide that in this particular instance peace of mind is the last thing you want.

Go ahead and be angry, annoyed, or even vengeful. You’ll probably find that you choose to do this less and less over time. If peace of mind brings you the benefit it promises, you’ll welcome future reminders.

Acceptance
Acceptance sustains a peaceful mind. The peaceful mind has no need to pass judgment on others, but allows them to be whom they are choosing to be. Acceptance begins with self. If we can accept ourselves just as we are now, even while we’re intent on becoming better in some areas of our being, we can accept others more readily. We’ll have no need to compete; therefore, no need to find someone lacking as a way of compensating for our own feeling of lack.

Self acceptance is often much more difficult than it might seem. Criticizing parents, teachers, and other influential people often plant the seeds of limiting beliefs. These may take the form of subconscious beliefs such as, “I’m weak”, “I’m ugly”, “I’m selfish”, “I’m a failure.”

We often submerge these beliefs because they’re uncomfortable to face. But they control how we view ourselves and how we view the world. And if we can’t feel good about ourselves we can’t feel good about others.

Purging Limiting Beliefs
Most of us have lived with limiting beliefs for many years, so we should expect that it will take some time to rid ourselves of them. This process may be helpful:

Pick an area of life in which you’ve had great difficulty achieving a goal. Picking a quiet time and place, sit comfortably with both feet on the floor. Take several slow and deep breaths,

breathing in through your nose slowly, holding your breath for a count or two, and releasing it slowly through your nose. 

Ask a higher power to bring you clarity about your difficulty achieving this goal. As you wait for clarity, sit quietly, continuing to breath deeply and slowly. Think about your difficulty reaching the goal; do so without emotion and without judgment. Observe as if you were looking at someone else’s situation.

When some insight comes to you, accept it without judgment, without anger, and without shame. Accept whatever comes to you that appears to be a limiting belief; it’s neither good nor bad, right nor wrong. It just is. Now decide if you wish to keep that belief. It’s your choice. If someone important to you often criticized something about you, choose to accept or reject the criticism. It’s only true if you believe it.

With an attitude of peace of mind, an awareness of your state of mind, and acceptance of self and others, you can achieve peace of mind.

Related Articles:

Conflict and Choice

Tranquility: A Choice Place To Live

Sitting in Judgement and the Easy Life

Acceptance and the Easy Life