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Conflict is exciting. Conflict is energizing. Conflict is a choice.

The word conflict implies hostility, aggression, and active opposition.
We humans enjoy conflict. Admit it. Deepak Chopra, in his new book Peace is the Way, tells us that war is satisfying. Can that be true? Satisfaction implies fulfillment and pleasure. Do we really gain pleasure and fulfillment from war?

For many people, including many world leaders, the answer seems to be an unfortunate yes. A US Marine general recently commented that “… it’s fun to shoot some people.” Observe current leaders on both sides of the Iraqi war or the Palestinian-Israeli conflicts. To me they appear energized and engaged by the conflict. Is the drama of war satisfying? I’m sure leaders regret the loss of life inherent in war-time activities; yet, the power and focused-purpose of prosecuting war seem to overshadow the loss of life and property.

War is not the only conflict swirling around us each day. Turn on daytime television in the US. You’ll see melodramatic conflict in long-running soap operas. Millions watch daily. For more direct and raw conflict, turn on one of the popular daytime “talk” shows; these routinely degenerate into physical confrontation between talk show guests, spurred on by the host and cheering audience. Or how about the so-called reality shows, which routinely pit participants against each other in aggressive winner-take-all situations. These forms of entertainment draw millions of viewers; evidence that conflict is great fun, and also the way to resolve problems.

Before you congratulate yourself for remaining detached or aloof from these aggressive behaviors, examine the conflicts in your daily activities. Do you enjoy complaining about and diminishing your spouse, your boss, your teacher, or your “best” friend? Do you feel energized while lambasting your company’s performance, or your government’s efficiency? Do you criticize, puffed up at feeling superior, without the responsibility for solutions?

Disagreement is an unavoidable result of our human diversity. When freedom of choice and the power of imagination combine with the energy of intention human desires are bound to clash. The issue is in how we resolve disagreement—destructively through conflict or constructively through negotiation and compromise.

Our culture promotes and validates destructive conflict resolution; I win by causing you to lose. One side of an issue, whether between individuals, groups, cities, or nations, works to defeat the other side—one wins, the other loses. We resolve through verbal, physical, or political domination—through aggressive and hostile behaviors.

But there are other ways to resolve conflict. Positive conflict resolution strives to find a way for each side of an issue to win. Win-win is only possible, though, when both sides intend to find a solution that does not dominate, does not denigrate, and does not intimidate. A win-win philosophy harbors no thought of violence or domination. A good way to visualize constructive conflict resolution is the process sometimes used by two friends dividing up a single cookie. One person cuts it; the other person selects her half.

We must avoid getting caught up in what is right and what is wrong. Conflict has nothing to do with right and wrong, which are only relative and perceptive judgments—fluid and ever changing. Remember that each side in every conflict believes it is right and the opponent is the aggressor—even a pre-emptive attack is justified as a defense against an aggressor planning attack. Each act of aggression is justified in the eyes of the aggressor as a defense. Each side believing it is right is as true in war between nations as in an argument between spouses.

Is conflict between humans inevitable? History might say yes, but that is only because we are conditioned to aggressive problem resolution. Disagreement is inevitable. How we resolve disagreement is choice. When we resolve disagreement with conflict—with hostile and aggressive behavior—we forget that we are all one magnificent soul. In reality, we are attacking ourselves. Conflict is our choice.

Jerry

 

Have you ever heard that the best way to learn something is to teach it? I’ve found it’s true for me. Writing about the Law of Attraction helps me to better understand, clarify, and apply it to my life. I hope this article helps you, too. If you missed part 1, dated October 9, you can read it at this blog. Click “When the Law of Attraction isn’t Working,” along the lower right side of this page, or just page down to the October 9 entry.

When the Law of Attraction Isn’t Working, part 2

In the last article, I described the Universal Law of Attraction: like attracts like. We attract that which is like us—in energy vibration, not physical appearance. When it seems this law isn’t working it’s our natural tendency to question it. But the Law of Attraction always works; it never fails to bring us exactly what we’re attracting.

When life is not what you want it to be, accept that you’ve attracted exactly what you’re experiencing. Even if it’s hard to believe, believe it anyway. This is crucial—if you do not accept that the universe is working just as it should, you lack the power to change life experience. This is step 1, the most important step to take in attracting the life you desire.

The remaining 7 steps that follow will help you consciously utilize the Law of Attraction:

2. Clarify what you want. Visualize the thing you desire and—this is important—feel the resulting emotion. Emotion—a state of being—is what we really desire. The things we think we want are only a means to an end—the end being an emotion. We think we want money, but we really want the emotion of security, abundance, or some other emotion/state of being which money will bring. We think we want a life partner, but what we really want is to love and be loved, to be intimately connected to another.

3. Identify any negative emotions associated with what you want. Watch carefully for negative emotions associated with what you want. We often fear some aspect of what we believe we desire. This fear will diminish our powers of attraction, probably resulting in more of what we now have. Pursue these negative emotions, what do they convey, what are you avoiding?

Do you desire to write a book, but fear it, too? The energy projected from your fear will offset any positive energy projected from your desire to complete the book—you’ll continue to attract the inability to complete the book.

4. Clarify what you don’t want and why. Visualize what you don’t want, and note the associated emotions. List these emotions. Next to each negative emotion, ask yourself what belief you might hold, or what experiences you might have had that cause that emotion. A negative emotion is always associated with a fundamental belief, perhaps buried deep in the subconscious.

Taking the book example again, assume you realize what you don’t want is to invest a huge amount of time and energy writing a book which few people read—a waste of your effort. As you think about this, you feel unimportant, insignificant, as if you’ve nothing to contribute. Insignificance is what you really fear, and this is what is preventing you from achieving the completed book.

A belief you hold is sponsoring this fear of insignificance. In plain, harsh words, you might believe the following: I have nothing of value to offer the world. Perhaps you subconsciously hold this belief because of harsh criticism from parents, teachers, or employers. As long as you hold this belief, you will continue to attract life experiences directly or indirectly supporting the belief.

5. Carefully examine each belief you identified in step 4. Accept that this belief has been true for you up until now, but it need not be true in your future. Decide to discard the belief, realizing that broad generalizations are oversimplifications. Look for exceptions to the belief. Look for examples in your life that disproves the belief. Perhaps you find you enjoy writing, and others enjoy reading what you write.

6. Convert each belief to a form that will help you; write each belief identified in step 4 on a new line. Now revise the belief to form a positive affirmation supporting forward movement. For example, assume you’ve identified the following belief as a source of your fear associated with writing a book: I am not a brilliant writer, so a book that I write may be laughable to others. Make the following change: The book I write will be the best book I can write at this time, and my satisfaction and reward will come from doing my very best, rather than from the opinions of other people.

7. Transfer your list of modified beliefs—these are now positive, supportive affirmations—to a clean sheet of paper. Read each affirmation slowly and carefully twice each day, morning and evening. As you read each affirmation—each new belief—feel the emotion associated with it.

8. Reinforce your positive orientation by calling forth similar, positive emotions each day. Make a habit of allowing only positive thoughts. A good way to do this is to think of three things you are grateful for having in your life. Hold each in your mind and feel the emotion of it. Do this upon waking each morning and before going to sleep each evening.

When something negative happens—as it will—look carefully for a positive aspect to hold in your mind. A traffic jam on your way home may slow you down, but also gives you an opportunity to relax and think of pleasant evening activities.

Will you always attract the life you desire by following these steps? I wish the answer were a resounding yes. For those who are life masters—or close to mastery—the answer is a consistent yes. Masters consciously create exactly what they desire. Unfortunately, most of us fall short of mastery, so the best we can do is to strive for our life’s desires using this process, accepting that we may fall short at times.

 

The Law of Attraction intrigues and frustrates me; at times—especially in hindsight—I see clearly that I am living the life I attracted. At other times, I believe I’m intent on attracting one thing, but something else keeps showing up. Does the law function intermittently?

When the Law of Attraction isn’t Working
Overheard recently, “Why is all this stuff coming into my life? I don’t want any of this. And don’t tell me I brought it on myself. Why would I do that? I don’t want any of this in my life. I’d have to be crazy to want this.”

Have you ever heard this conversation? Maybe you’ve had this conversation with someone—perhaps with yourself. Sometimes the things that come into our lives seem the exact opposite of what we want. We feel powerless, and all the talk that we can create whatever we want sounds like rubbish. Is it?

It can be frustrating and painful to face a string of disappointing life circumstances. When you intend to create a certain life, it feels like failure when something else results. It’s so much easier to blame someone or something else; then, at least, you’re not a failure—a victim, but not a failure.

How the Law of Attraction Works

Let’s go back to basics. The Law of Attraction states that like attracts like. There are many popular sayings reinforcing the Law of Attraction: birds of a feather flock together, what goes around comes around, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, the world is a mirror, and many more.

The attracting force is energy. Positive, high frequency energy attracts more of the same; likewise, negative, lower frequency energy attracts more energy that is negative. Emotion adds intensity to this energy; the stronger the emotion, the stronger the attraction. If I feel down in the dumps, depressed and blue, despite wishing to feel better, and thinking I’d like to feel better, the energy I give off will continue to attract more of the same—depressing, negative life results.

We’ve all seen the Law of Attraction in action; we know the world works this way because we can often see the results—in others. We cannot see it as easily for ourselves. A universal law doesn’t just work some times; it works all the time. Gravity always works. Water always converts from ice to liquid to steam at appropriate temperatures. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only altered in form—always.

When the Law of Attraction Seems to Fail

Then why does it seem the Law of Attraction fails to work when I want to create a certain result in my life? That’s the question that baffles and frustrates. But it’s the wrong question. If I assume the universal law isn’t working for me, then it isn’t a universal law. Instead, I should assume the opposite—the Law of Attraction is working perfectly. When I accept that the combination of my thoughts and beliefs, my emotions and feelings, and my subconscious intentions and yearnings are generating my life results, I gain the power and perspective to change.

The first question to ask is whether I really want different life results. I must be sensitive to how I feel about the area of life I believe I want to change. Are there mixed feelings there? Do I wish for greater career success while simultaneously feeling terrified of making the changes required to attain it? The energy projected by a combination of conflicting thinking and feeling will continue to attract more of what I’m now experiencing.

Answering this question allows me to move on to the next important steps I can take to attract what I desire. I’ll cover that in the next article, but for now: always, always, assume you’re attracting exactly what you are experiencing. Even when you cannot believe this, believe it anyway. Rather than looking for the reasons behind your experiences, or who to blame, assume you’ve somehow created them and set about creating a different experience by shifting to more positive thinking, saying, and doing. Easily said, not always easily done. But this is exactly what we must do to change our lives.

Is the Law of Attraction Failing?

Until you can come to grips with the concept that you’ve actually attracted (unknowingly) the life circumstance you’re facing, it can be difficult to change the situation. Once you can accept that attraction is actually working even though you can’t imagine how, you can move on to further steps to get your attractive powers aligned with your true desires. Move on to these steps with Part 2 of When the Law of Attraction Isn’t Working.

 

I attended the Columbus Writer’s Conference recently, and realize that I now consider myself a writer. I used to think of myself as a coach who also wrote. Sometime during the last month, beginning with a brief writer’s workshop by David Bell at the local library, including becoming a member of a writing group, and culminating with the Writer’s Conference, I became a writer.

Gathering ideas and learning from writing professionals, along with 300 + other writers helped. But what really did it was that I declared myself a writer–to myself. That declaration, as with every other powerfully stated self declaration is what makes it so. This brings home to me the power of the “I am” statement. This is how we create. I now realize I have created a writer, and I now naturally and energetically go about accumulating the tools and tips of the writing trade.

Anything I desire to become requires this declaration step before it is really so. I can obtain the external trappings of something, such as a certificate of training, but until I declare that this is who I am, I am not. And as soon as I commit that this is who I am, I am that.

What an adventure!

 

Will You Marry Me?

What a powerful question: Will you marry me? Not a question to ask lightly, nor a question to respond to without great thought. Deciding to pose this question, or deciding how to respond to it, has life-altering implications.

Now, what if I ask this question of myself? What a novel twist, to ask myself to marry me. Knowing what I know about myself, would I ask me to marry me? And if I asked me to marry me, would I accept? If I should accept, would I stay married to me?
What a powerful set of questions! They get right to the (sometimes uncomfortable?) core of my feelings about me.

Considering how to respond to my proposal requires that I ask myself all the questions I would ask if considering a marriage proposal from another person. Do I love myself? Do I like me? Do I want to spend the rest of my life with me?

Am I trustworthy? Do I keep my promises to myself? Do I treat myself with respect and consideration?

Do I encourage me to follow my deepest dreams? Do I support myself when I stumble? Do I defend me from the criticisms of others?

Do I respect my values?

Do I listen to me? Do I allow my inner thoughts and desires to surface without fear of ridicule and rejection?

Do I enjoy being with me? Is my time alone a pleasant experience or something I avoid?
Granted, I have little choice in the matter of being with me. I am, after all, trapped in close proximity to me. Still, I have a choice when it comes to whom I spend time with—including spending time alone with me.

Perhaps honestly pondering how I might respond to the questions posed above will bring the insight to help me be more like the me I wish to be—the me I would marry.

 

Do you ever notice the difference in how you feel when you: 1) make friendly small talk with an acquaintance, 2) have a lively two-way conversation with a friend, or 3) bare your soul with someone you trust?

For me, friendly small talk is pleasant and may even be cheery, but usually lacks deeper feelings of human satisfaction. The sense I get from friendly small talk is that I’ve skated the surface of the waters of humanity, perhaps even stuck in one toe.

A lively two way conversation, for me, is more stimulating and energizing. I may learn something from this communication, or may convey something that another didn’t know. While energizing, this level of communication is still shallow, more like sticking my feet in the water and kicking a few times.

But for real satisfaction, nothing beats the conversations that are soul to soul. When I discuss something that really means something to me–how I feel about something of importance, what I believe in, what has happened to me and how I felt about it–these experiences where I open my shields and expose the vulnerability of my fears and joys, these are like diving in and swimming underwater. This is when I really experience the depth of human emotion.

Though sometimes scary, soul baring communication is so satisfying, so calming, so loving, as to make the risk worthwhile. The older I get, the more willing I am to take the risk of vulnerability.

© 2012 Purposeful Growth Suffusion theme by Sayontan Sinha