Purposeful Growth

What if fear was my friend? Would this open new avenues for personal development? Comparing friendship characteristics to fear yields some pleasant surprises.

Can fear be my friend? The idea seems unlikely to me at first glance, but my intuition tells me to keep writing with this theme. I’ve lived in and with fear for many years and finally realized that fear was limiting my personal growth.

At one point I stood in front of over 100 people at a retreat and declared I was giving up fear; I was tired of living my life in fear. From that point on I’ve viewed fear as something to overcome, something to get past. But what if fear was actually my friend, and what if I embraced fear as I would a good friend? 

Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary defines a friend as a favored companion, one attached to another by affection or esteem. Hmmm, that doesn’t sound anything like the fear I’ve known for so long, but I’ll keep going.

What are some characteristics of a friend?

A good friend:

Fear does fit some of these characteristics. Fear has certainly been around for many years. And I do know fear very well. Is it always on my side? I didn’t think so, but maybe my friend fear is just trying to keep me safe.

Can I trust fear? Well, I can trust fear to be around whenever I explore some new aspect of my life; whenever I mull over a new area for growth and/or adventure, I’m sure to find fear immediately by my side.

Can I depend on fear to give me advice that keeps me out of trouble? I can depend on fear to bring up the risks of change, i.e. failure, rejection, and humiliation. So yes, I can depend on fear to keep me aware of the downside of any action I’m contemplating.

Does fear listen without judging me? I guess I’m the one judging. My friend fear is not judging, nor is it blocking me. I’m the one taking or avoiding action. I realize I’ve been using fear as a scapegoat–blaming it for my own decisions. I guess I haven’t been a real good friend to fear. Fear doesn’t have all the characteristics of friendship I listed, but no one is perfect.

I’ve been trying to avoid fear, but maybe if I embraced fear for what it offered I could enhance our friendship. Fear does offer to show me the downside of things I’m considering. If I consider the risks, decide if I can live with them, and then go forward toward my dreams with eyes wide open then fear has been helpful to me.

Now that I think of fear in this new way, I realize that fear has often been a good predictor of personal growth. The things I fear, once achieved, have been wonderful growth experiences. Thanks fear, for showing me the path of personal development.

This article first appeared in the Personal Development Topic at Suite101.com.

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Don’t let recurring bouts of fear limit your personal development. We all face fear when contemplating changes. Learn to overcome your fears and grow.

Has fear shattered your dreams? Have you had great ideas, terrific dreams for your future, only to have the cold chill of fear shatter your dreams and paralyze you into inaction? Fear is holding you back, preventing you from becoming all that you can be. If you’re serious about personal development, at some point you will need to overcome fear to make your dreams come true.

The scenario usually goes like this: You have a dream, a great idea and you’re immediately excited and energized. You feel alive and highly motivated. The dream for your future seems right for you and calls you to it.

But you stop. Sometime very soon after the initial excitement you become afraid. You start thinking about all the things that could go wrong, the time and money involved, and the many aspects of your dream for which you have no experience. And you stop cold. (See Beliefs Limit Development for more general information on limiting beliefs.)

Sadly, most of us have had this same experience. We tell ourselves we are just being realistic and cautious. Perhaps we convince ourselves the timing isn’t right, so we put it on hold for now. And we never get to it. Because the real reason is that we’re afraid. We’re afraid to fail, afraid to be humiliated, afraid to be ridiculed, afraid that we’re incompetent.

Remember when you learned to ride a bicycle? You were afraid of falling. You probably did fall, but eventually, if you kept at it, you learned to ride and it was fun. Remember when you were learning to swim? You were scared; humans can’t breathe under water. But if you persisted and learned to swim you felt the joy of overcoming a fear and joining your friends in the pool.

Use these past experiences at facing and overcoming fear to help you move forward through fear again. One thing for sure when it comes to big dreams, you will experience bouts of fear. As if you can’t think of enough reasons to be afraid, friends will help you with even more terrifying possibilities.

What can you do if you are seriously committed to personal development? Face your fears. Embrace them. Look them square in the face and admit that you’re afraid. Voice your fears out loud or on paper, capturing what you’re afraid could happen and how you’ll feel as a result. Now decide to overcome each fear. What can you do to minimize the chances of the feared event? Recognizing that most fears don’t materialize, decide how likely it is that this feared event will occur. If it does occur, can you live with it?

You’ll find that getting your fears out in the open diminishes their power over you. And you’ll realize that the choice you make to move forward is a first step toward your dream. For your dream to become reality, you must choose to step forward over your fears. Focus on your dream. Let your fears dissipate by refusing to pay them further attention.

This article first appeared in the Personal Development Topic at Suite101.com.

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