Purposeful Growth

The present moment is life’s gift to us all; this present of life is life, for the present moment is all that we really have. Many of us spend far too much time in the illusions of the past and future, missing out on the gift of the moment. When we begin to spend more time in the present moment we notice that life is easier.

Eagerly anticipating future events can be very pleasant–anticipation adds to the pleasure of an event–sometimes surpasing the pleasure the event itself brings us. Unfortunately, pleasant anticipation does not characterize how most of us, most of the time, spend our future thinking.

Instead, we worry. We worry that the positive events we desire and plan for will fail to materialize. We fear that things will go wrong in important areas of life: health, finances, employment, love, family relationships, and business. We think about what can go wrong, imagine it happening, and fret over what will become of us when, not if, the bad things happen.

I’ve heard worry likened to sitting in a rocking chair; we expend lots of energy, but don’t get anywhere. The only positive aspect of worry is that it initially alerts us to contingencies for which we should plan. Other than that, our worries rob us. What do we lose? Joy, peace, tranquility, and calmness are present moment emotions. They are all casualties of worry and fear.

As if it’s not bad enough that worry and fear of the future rob us of the joy of the present moment, so do guilt and regret. Though the past is past, we often dwell there re-living mistakes we made, wrongs we committed or had committed to us, and decisions we made that we regret. When we re-play the events of the past we feel the emotions again as if the event were happening now.

Re-plays are fine if we’re recalling something pleasant. Savoring a past positive event can be very enjoyable and can build self confidence and self esteem. Even remembering negative past events can be helpful if we learn from them. But instead of savoring and learning we often bury ourselves in useless and self defeating thinking about what might have been if…if we made a different decision, or chose a different solution, or stopped short of saying a hurtful thing.

Guilt and regret are like baggage we carry on our backs through each step of life’s journey, making the journey more difficult than it need be. When we put down our baggage we notice that life’s journey is easier.

The past holds wonderful lessons for us. Because of our past actions we are able to experience the logical consequences of our behaviors. We can choose to repeat or avoid similar behaviors, depending on whether those consequences align with whom we choose to be.

How do we begin to live in the present moment when we’re so used to living in the past or future? Be aware of what you’re thinking and what you’re feeling. Ask yourself if your thoughts and feelings relate to the past, present, or future. Simply being aware will help remind you.

To focus on the present, concentrate on your breathing. Focus on each breath in and out. Then focus on your senses. What are you seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, and tasting? These are all present moment events. Start doing this and notice how rich each present moment becomes.

The very best resource I’ve found for living in the present moment is Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now.   

Now you’re stopping to smell the roses! Each moment of the present is a present–and what an adventure!  

What is Fear?

The American Heritage Dictionary defines fear as a feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger. You and I know fear as a cold chill, nausea, racing heartbeat, cold sweat, and a tension or tightness throughout the body. These symptoms result from the body’s natural reaction to threat, with preparations for fight or flight.

Perhaps what we don’t realize is that fear is always about a future event. Even the fear one feels from an immediate threat is a projection that the threat will become reality. While it is useful to be aware of potential threats to  physical well being, we must recognize that fear mobilizes the body for immediate action–flight or fight–which effectively focuses all our physical and mental resources on the perceived threat.

This is all well and good for a real threat. But we seldom face real threats. Most of the threats we perceive are ill-defined future situations with low probability of occurrence. Yet we  frequently feel fear and fear drives many of our actions. Why are we so fearful and is it healthy for us?

Fear Controls

Fear is a powerful emotion. Fear keeps us from crossing a busy street without looking. But fear also keeps us from realizing our full potential. We grow up with fear because those who influence us know that fear is an excellent way to control a person. This seems to work well when our parents tell us the terrible things that could happen if we:

• Run with a sucker in our mouth
• Talk to strangers
• Take alcohol, tobacco, or drugs
• Fail to eat our vegetables
• Do poorly in school
• Break the laws of government and religion
• and on, and on

Parental responsibility is to educate young people to the dangers of life. But education informs while fear controls. All too often those in power select fear rather than education. It’s so much easier to control behavior through fear than to inform and debate; it’s no wonder parents, teachers, coaches, political leaders, employers, and the media routinely use fear instilling techniques to accomplish their objectives.

The Roots of Fear

Our ultimate fear is that of survival. A parallel fundamental fear is that we will not be loved. The two are intertwined when God or religion comes into the equation. Some religions teach that to fall out of favor with God (to be unloved) is to burn in hell forever (failure to survive).

Even without the effect of fundamental religion, most of our fears stem from the fear of loss of life or loss of love. Pick any fear you currently feel and trace it back to it’s root; I’m certain you’ll find that you’re afraid of personal harm–death at it’s extreme–or emotional harm–the withdrawal of love from someone important to you.

The Impact of Fear
  
Fear is merely an emotion, a very strong emotion to be sure, but simply an emotion. Fear helps us avoid dangerous situations in childhood. Now that we’ve reached adulthood, healthy personal development suggests we examine our fears. Do our fears serve us or hinder us? So many of us live each day moving from one fear to another, without realizing its impact.

Fear robs us of our creativity. While in a fearful state, our body’s resources are mobilized to deal with the feared event, making it difficult to focus on anything else. You’ve experienced this if you’ve ever been fearful for the health and survival of a loved one, or if you’ve feared an event which would radically alter your life. It’s very difficult to be positive, creative, and energetic while at the bedside of an ill loved one or while watching the approach of a severe weather event.

Temporary loss of creativity isn’t the worst of it. Excessive focus on a feared event can actually attract to us exactly the event that we fear. This is the Law of Attraction; we create what we focus upon. The frequency of vibration of the energy we generate tends to attract events of similar frequency.

While focused on a feared event, we lose a wonderful gift–the present. Since feared events are always future events, when we’re focused upon these we fail to appreciate the present moment. Unfortunately, we’re missing out on life one second at a time. Life is the present moment. All we ever have is the present. That is the gift of life. The past is over; it’s value is in what we’ve learned. The future is uncertain; no one can foretell the future with certainty.

Fear is like being in a rocking chair; you use a lot of energy but you don’t get anywhere. Yoda, of Star Wars fame, summarized fear this way: “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.”

Overcoming Your Fears

Several years ago I decided enough was enough; I decided that I was tired of living my life based on fear. Instead, I determined to lead a life focused on love and joy. If you feel that pull to free yourself of fears here are some tips that will help you.

Remember that your soul is immortal. Most religions teach us that the soul lives forever and that your physical body is just a temporary existence. Death is certain. We all face it. Accept that your body will eventually die, but your soul–which is the real you–will live on.

Read The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle. This is a wonderful book that will show you the beauty of now and help you to give up fear as a daily partner. Focusing on the moment of now brings new meaning to life.

Make a list of every serious fear you can recall, filling in as much detail of it as you can remember. Note what happened. Did the feared event occur? If it did, were the results as negative as those you feared? Many life changes turn out to have positive results. Losing the job you hated may have caused you to find a new job you love. How often did your fears materialize? If you’re like most people, they seldom occurred.

Start a fear log. Each time you feel afraid write down the date, the event you fear, and what you feel will result if the event occurs.

Over time, reflect back on your fear log. Notice how seldom the feared event materializes, or if it occurs how often the results aren’t as bad as you feared.

When a new fear starts to take over your life and you’ve logged it, fully acknowledge it. Read your statement of fear. Acknowledge out loud that you fear this event and why. Accept that it is part of you for now. Then rid yourself of it with ceremony. Declare out loud that you are giving up this fear. Write the fear on a piece of paper and tear it up with a flourish. Or write a letter to your fear telling it that you are giving it up and why.

Just as we cannot throw a ball unless we first hold it in hand, we cannot effectively throw away a fear unless we first grasp it firmly.

Reach Your Potential

Succumbing to fear will prevent you from reaching your full potential. Once you face your fear, the source of your fear, and the likelihood of it occurring, you will be able to move forward toward your life goals without the obstruction of unnecessary fear.