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Learn To Be Grateful with Lisa Ryan’s New Book

 Beliefs, Changing Habits, Personal Development, Positive Attitude  3 Responses »
Aug 082012
 

TUpside of Down Timeshe Upside of Down Times: Discovering the Power of Gratitude by Lisa Ryan (Outskirts Press, 2012) is a small book with a big message: Gratitude can make you happier, healthier, and even wealthier. Learn the benefits of being grateful, and how to do it.

You’ve heard it before, your mother probably admonished you to be grateful for what you have. More than just a nice thing—being grateful—Ryan pulls together recent scientific research findings showing the benefits of gratitude are powerful indeed.

The Upside of Down Times is not a dry recounting of research, it’s an entertaining, informative read. Filled with anecdotes and Ryan’s personal experiences, this small book is a powerful reminder that your life can be greatly improved by something free, easy, and available to everyone—gratitude.

You might call Lisa Ryan the gratitude queen. Her personal life isn’t the only aspect of her life devoted to gratitude. Her business name, Grategy, is a word coined from the combination of gratitude and strategy, and helps companies harness the power of gratitude to improve business results.

Daily Gratitude

I’ve practiced daily gratitude activities for some time now, using the Three Good Things intervention I first read about in Dr Martin Seligman’s Authentic Happiness book. Each night when I go to bed I recall three good things that happened during the day and linger in the gratitude I feel for them.

Good things need not be anything extraordinary, a nice nap, a pleasant walk, or an interesting book are all candidates. In fact, the small positives of life—those things we often take for granted—are great  reminders that life is good, by and large, in spite of the challenges that often come our way.

I’ve found regularly focusing on three good things at the end of the day keeps me in a positive frame of mind and tends to help me focus on the good things I look forward to the next day.

Gratitude, Positive Attitude, and Relationships

The research findings of positive psychology are clear. Being positive is better for your health, your happiness, and your personal success. Gratitude is one of the very easy and powerful tools for maintaining a positive attitude.

Being grateful provides even more benefit when you factor in the impact it has on your relationships—strengthening them and keeping you connected to others—another big factor in human happiness and success.

I recommend The Upside of Down Times, a small book with a big message, a message we tend to forget in the course of busy lives. Thanking people, acknowledging them with smiles and a friendly word or two, recognizing the contributions they make to your life, and being thankful for all you have, even if it’s not all you want to have, are all free and easy ways to enjoy your life.

More Resources for Personal Growth

What is Life all About? How do I Find my Purpose? is the latest in the Personal Growth Resources series of personal growth books. Other books in the series include The Happiness Workbook, Sample Personal Development Plan and Workbook, and 5 Keys to Balancing Work and Life.

Watch for future articles on this site. Better yet, Subscribe to Your Purposeful Growth Update by email.

Jerry Lopper – Personal Growth Resources

Build your life on a foundation of purpose

Use These Stress-Reducing Shortcuts to Inner Peace

 Changing Habits, Health, Peacefulness, Personal Development, Positive Attitude  No Responses »
Nov 082011
 

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Shortcuts to Inner Peace

Image courtesy Planned TV Arts

Burdened with a stressful life? No time for yourself, no fun in your days? All the experts will tell you to meditate, take yoga classes, get a massage, become mindful, learn to deep breathe, and get centered on the present. Good advice, and it helps, but you may be among those who just can’t seem to find the time to learn meditation.

First time meditators generally are disappointed. It takes practice—lots of practice—to learn to quiet your mind and receive the stress-reducing benefits of meditation and mindfulness practices.

Author and psychotherapist Ashley Davis Bush may have the answer to a busy person’s prayers for stress relief with her new release, Shortcuts to Inner Peace: 70 Simple Paths to Everyday Serenity. With her own busy life as a professional therapist, wife, and mother of five, Bush admits she struggled to find meditation time, too.

Then she had an epiphany of sorts—doesn’t everyone, even very busy people, find the time to brush their teeth, shower, use the restroom, and all the other routines of daily life? Sure, we all find time for those necessities, they’ve become habits. So what if we had short stress-reducing activities that we could use while doing our necessary daily habits and routines?

That’s the theme of her book, resulting in 70 shortcuts you can use to prepare yourself in advance for those stressful moments in your busy day.

Before describing her shortcut strategies, let’s explore stress and why the traditional recommendations for stress relief often fail us.

What is Stress?

Stress is a reaction to a stimulating event. Most of us have automatic reactions to certain types of stimulating events, reactions which bring our minds and bodies into stress-mode; adrenalin pumps, blood pressure increases, and we focus on the fight or flight reaction built into our genetics as a survival mode. But most of the stress inducing circumstances we face are not life threatening, but health threatening.

You’re running late for work, but traffic grinds to a halt on the freeway—you’ll be late and your customer hates that. Or this scenario, you’ve just enough time to make the appointment with a crucial customer so you load your presentation on your flash drive to get underway, but your computer locks up—no presentation, late for the customer, chances of a sale go down the drain.

We’ve formed habitual responses to these types of stimulating events—anger, frustration, ranting, and blaming ourselves and the world for conspiring to bring failure into our lives. While it would be nice to stop and meditate while the computer decides whether it will free up or die, meditation takes time, the lack of which is part of the problem. What’s needed is an habitual response to potentially negative stimulating events that is quick, easy, and effective. Habitual response is the key phrase here. Unless we’ve routinely practiced responses, they won’t be habitual, we won’t remember to use them, and if we try, we won’t have practiced them enough to be effective.

The Stress-Reducing Shortcuts

What if every time you washed your hands you repeated a phrase or two, such as: “go with the flow, accept what happens and move on,” or “send my negative reactions of anger, swearing, and vindictiveness down the drain, wash them away?” How many times does a person wash their hands in a day, five, ten, twenty? Repeating these phrases ten or twenty times a day for two or three weeks will habituate a stress-reducing reaction to the next negative event. Computer freezes? Frustration goes down the drain, figure out how to get it up and running. Stuck in traffic? Anger goes down the drain and you have some time to recall your last vacation.

Shortcuts to Inner Peace offers seventy shortcuts from which to pick; all are brief and tied to everyday events to make them easy to practice. For example, Morning Glories, named after the flower which opens up each day, helps us practice starting each day with a positive expectation, welcoming a new day of being alive.

These shortcuts work because—once habituated—they interrupt the negative unconscious reactions we previously had to stressful circumstances, providing tools for redirecting us to more positive, supportive thoughts and reactions.

Bush calls this process awareness, redirection, and restoration. Awareness of our unconscious negative reactions to an event helps us see a potential downward spiral of anger or anxiety and interrupt it. Redirection results when we notice the unwelcome reaction and consciously redirect our thoughts to more positive, supportive ones. Restoration of calm and peace results.

Once you understand the process, design your own shortcuts. Each night when I climb into bed I recall three good things that happened during the day; recalling the goodness of even the most mundane event is relaxing and affirming of my appreciation of life. My wife, upon entering a local supermarket, typically overflowing with food choices, never fails to appreciate the abundance of our lives.

Tying everyday occurrences to reminders of what’s really important in our lives is a great way to stay centered and focused on the wonders of being alive. Some of Ashley Davis Bush’s shortcuts are sure to work for you.

For more information on reducing stress read these:

Strategies for Stress: How to Deal with the Stress of Bad Times

The Stress of Values Conflicts

Three Steps to Relieve the Stress of Work

Be Beautiful, Talented, Capable, & Make a Difference

 Beliefs, Changing Habits, Fear, Love, Personal Development, Positive Attitude, Success  2 Responses »
Oct 292011
 

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I learned of this great little ebook that’s a perfect gift for people who fail to realize or refuse to accept their talents, beauty, and abilities. This can truly be a gift that makes a difference in someone’s life, maybe yours.

Ebook Cover

Courtesy Stephanie Voss

If you’ve been told you’re attractive but sloughed it off assuming the other person was either blind, wanted something from you, or didn’t get around much, Stephanie Voss’s new ebook, If I Could Tell You Just One Thing It Would Be This, is perfect for you.

If you admire people who accomplish things in their lives, but know you could never do the same, this book is for you.

If you’d love to be somebody, but feel like you’re nobody, this book is for you.

Looking in the Mirror

How many people can look in the mirror and sincerely tell themselves, “You are wise,” or “You can make a difference in this world?”

Most of us tend to focus on our weaknesses, our inabilities, our physical limitations, and our past mistakes, proving we’re not enough: not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or competent enough. Sadly, we have lots of help at this as so many people—even those who love us—find endless opportunities to “help us improve” by pointing out our failures and blemishes. Rather than helping us improve, this feedback often simply reinforces our negative views of self. Proving we’re not enough.

Voss gently guides the reader through ten powerful statements that many people refuse to make about the person they see in the mirror, such as “I am good,” “I am capable,” or “I am wise.”

Using personal examples and encouraging the reader to focus on her own experiences showing wisdom, capability, helpfulness, and loving, Voss helps the reader focus on the real person God created before the doubts, criticisms, and jealousies of others diminished her self-esteem and confidence.

Can If I Could Tell You One Thing Help?

Voss’s book will help you, or someone you love, reconnect with the beautiful, capable, powerful person God created. Though a bit pricey for an ebook at $14.99, it’s still a great value if it helps you accept and utilize your inherent talents and abilities. It appears to be available only in pdf format at this time.

Give yourself or someone you love the opportunity to live the life God intended with this wonderful little reminder of the greatness of each person.

For more information visit the home page of If I Could Tell You One Thing.

Full Disclosure: I’m not affiliated in any way with Voss or her book, nor do I profit from the sale of her book. I simply like this book and sincerely believe it can be a blessing to many people.

Strategies for Stress: How to Deal with the Stress of Bad Times

 Changing Habits, Fear, Personal Development, Positive Attitude, Relationships  No Responses »
Sep 272011
 

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Upside of Down Times image

Image Courtesy of Planned Television Arts

While we can’t always avoid negative events in our lives—despite our best Law of Attraction efforts—we can control how we react to the bad stuff that happens to us all.

That’s the theme of Dr. Rob Pennington’s Find the Upside of the Down Times: How to Turn your Worst Experiences into your Best Opportunities! (Resource International, 2011).

Dr. Pennington catches your attention immediately with the opening sentence of his first chapter: “I was shot in the center of the chest by an unknown assailant…It was one of the best things that ever happened to me.”

Most of us manage to avoid being shot, but that’s not all he’s encountered in his life. The hospital bill for his treatment back in 1982 was $36,000. Pennington was self-employed, without medical insurance. Reflecting on this financial problem, he states again, “this was one of the best things that ever happened to me.”

There’s a term for people who deny negative events by casting them in a positive light—it’s called being a Pollyanna, after the main character in the 1913 best seller of the same name by Eleanor H. Porter, whose character viewed only the positive side of any event. The Pollyanna term implies naivety and a failing to face reality.

But Pennington isn’t being Pollyannaish. He doesn’t deny the hardships he underwent in facing the events mentioned above, nor in a series of other life events, such as being divorced by his first wife, being fired from his job, being targeted by the IRS in an audit, and being threatened with divorce by his second wife, later becoming her caregiver when she suffered from MS.

Instead, he’s taken the approach of facing life’s negative events with an approach of taking positive action to find opportunities for moving on. He reminds us of the saying, “When one door closes, another opens,” though he notes that finding the open door requires one to turn around and look for it.

Those who prefer remaining in the spotlight often afforded victims of bad stuff will not like Find the Upside of the Down Times. Indeed, they are likely to take offense at the implicit suggestion to get on with your life. Pennington doesn’t render judgment on those in this situation, preferring to focus his advice for those ready to move on, but unsure how to begin.

Strategies for Making the Most of Bad Times

Among the many excellent tips for turning bad events into positive opportunities are these:

  • When you’re stuck in traffic or a slow bank queue and you’re going to be late for an important appointment, why compound it by becoming angry, frustrated, and anxious? Being stuck is a fact you probably can’t change, but you don’t have to submit your body and mind to the stresses of anger. Why compound the problem by hurting yourself even more with your mental state? Instead, use these frustrating circumstances of daily life as a time for relaxation. Breathe deeply and slowly, and think of pleasant thoughts.
  • Follow this three-step process for locating the positive opportunities within negative events:

1. Capture your thoughts about the negative event, such as: If I’m late for my appointment my client will terminate our contract.

2. Identify the negative connotation words and strike them out, such as: If I’m late for my appointment my client will terminate our contract.

3. Restate the sentence with positive, believable words, such as: If I’m late for my appointment my client will initially be upset but will fully understand my unavoidable delay and will recognize the circumstances could happen to anyone. And he’ll be pleased when I back up my apology by giving him a 10% discount on his next order.

  • When you feel stress, consider that stress is your body’s signal that something must be changed. When you take any action to change the situation your stress level will naturally reduce. Pennington provides a five-step process for proactive change to reduce stress.
  • Many negative events involve relationship issues. Pennington suggests reflecting on the annoying behaviors of the other person that are affecting your relationship. Put the behaviors into two categories: Preferences and Requirements.
    • Requirements are just that, behaviors that are required for the relationship to continue. Violating requirements is a deal-breaker. Examples might be physical or verbal abuse, extra-marital affairs, or criminal behavior. If your relationship issues involve requirements, your partner must understand that continuation will dissolve the relationship.
    • Preferences are all behaviors that are not requirements. While you may strongly prefer that your partner clean up after himself, you may decide that behavior can be tolerated in light of the overall relationship benefits. But if you decide this is a requirement, it must be clearly indicated as a deal-breaker if no behavior change is made.

Upside of Down Times image

Find the Upside of the Down Times is a small book, but a powerful tool for learning to recover control when bad stuff interrupts your life. To peek inside and order your copy from Amazon click the cover. For more about Dr. Pennington, visit his website.

Pennington’s book assumes a readiness to consider moving forward. This readiness may require getting past the “why me” questions. Many times when life’s negative events drastically change the course of our lives we have a hard time understanding why, why did this happen to me when I’ve done my best to live a good life? For those struggling with these why questions, I recommend Rabbi Harold Kushner’s When Bad Things Happen to Good People (First Anchor Books, 1981).

These two books are perfect complements to each other, providing helpful insights and advice for both the “Why did this happen to me ?” and the “Now what do I do?” questions.

Your Stories

We all face challenges in life and with a bit of self-reflection you may be able to recognize how you’ve grown and benefited by some of the challenges you’ve faced. Pennington seeks your stories at his Find the Upside of the Down Times website.

Change Your Thinking Change Your Life

 Attraction, Changing Habits, Happier, Health, Personal Development  No Responses »
Apr 072010
 
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If your life is tough, a drag of daily burden with a boring, unfulfilling job and family not much more inspiring, take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself if you could be at least a part of the problem. It turns out, you could be the entire problem, not that you’re a bad person, or one whom fate has singled out for failure, but you could be someone who has fallen into negative thinking habits that have brought you where you are today. Don’t scoff. It’s that simple, but it’s not that easy to change the way you think. Can it really be so simple that changing how you think about things can change your fortune? Is this some new-age woo-woo magic? Well, spiritualists have been telling us for centuries that we attract the lives we’re living by how we think and by the choices we therefore make. It’s easy to ignore the words of philosophers who lived hundreds of years ago, but current-day scientists are now confirming that what we think about and how we think of things can change the current realities we experience.

Positive Thinking and the Law of Attraction

For some non-scientific, but easy reading on this try Excuse Me Your Life is Waiting by Lynn Grabhorn (Hampton Roads, 2000) and Ask and it is Given by Jerry and Esther Hicks (Hay House, 2004). A bit tougher, but more scientific is The Biology of Belief, by Bruce Lipton(Hay House, 2005). These books explain the how and why of the ways thinking can change reality. Regardless of the how and why, other scientists are measuring whether this actually works in practical everyday life. The answer is a resounding yes. The scientists of the new field of Positive Psychology—the study of human well-being—are delving deeply into human behavior, especially how to be happy. In his ground-breaking book, A Primer in Positive Psychology (Oxford Press, 2006), Christopher Petersen, PhD, says, “…optimism has demonstrable benefits, and pessimism has drawbacks.” He goes on to say, “…optimism…has been linked to positive mood and good morale; to perseverance and effective problem solving; to academic, athletic, military, occupational, and political success; to popularity; to good health; and even to long life and freedom from trauma.” [ad#MSNBanner]

Positive Attitude is the Way to Happiness

Fellow researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky’s recent book, The How of Happiness (Penguin Press, 2007), provides valuable and usable to anyone seeking to become happier. Lyubomirsky provides a plethora of easily implemented suggestions for becoming happier by engaging in simple exercises and activities that involve more positive ways to think and behave.

How to Become a Positive Thinker

Positive thinkers are not pollyannaish, seeing only the good in everything around them. Positive thinkers recognize both positive and negative aspects of life. Positive thinkers are sad at times, frustrated, angry, and anxious. What sets a positive attitude apart is that the positive thinker refuses to dwell on negativity. There’s a time for anger and a time for grief, but life goes on until it doesn’t and there’s no need to ruminate over the past. Christopher Peterson advises that a positive attitude can be learned. Pessimism is a habit, says Peterson, and habits can be changed. Peterson advises using this process to become a positive thinker.

  • When faced with a pessimistic thought about a life event, first evaluate the evidence. What are the facts—not the fears—but the facts?
  • Think of alternate explanations that might also account for the event.
  • Don’t settle for expectations that the worst outcome will result. Consider all the positive outcomes that can result.
  • Adopt a daily affirmation such as this: When faced with a negative thought I immediately evaluate the facts and think of positive alternatives.

Habituating a Positive Attitude

Maintaining a positive attitude and approach to life is powerful, attractive, and healthy. Becoming a more positive person is a matter of conscious attention to your thoughts and behaviors. Over time, new, positive ways of thinking will become habitual. For more information on the power of positive thinking, read The Power of Positive Attitude.

Feeling overwhelmed and out of balance?
Balanced Life In Ten Weeks
Jerry Lopper, Life Purpose Coach
Member International Positive Psychology Association

When the Law of Attraction isn’t Working

 Attraction, Tools  No Responses »
Oct 092004
 

The Law of Attraction intrigues and frustrates me; at times—especially in hindsight—I see clearly that I am living the life I attracted. At other times, I believe I’m intent on attracting one thing, but something else keeps showing up. Does the law function intermittently?

When the Law of Attraction isn’t Working
Overheard recently, “Why is all this stuff coming into my life? I don’t want any of this. And don’t tell me I brought it on myself. Why would I do that? I don’t want any of this in my life. I’d have to be crazy to want this.”

Have you ever heard this conversation? Maybe you’ve had this conversation with someone—perhaps with yourself. Sometimes the things that come into our lives seem the exact opposite of what we want. We feel powerless, and all the talk that we can create whatever we want sounds like rubbish. Is it?

It can be frustrating and painful to face a string of disappointing life circumstances. When you intend to create a certain life, it feels like failure when something else results. It’s so much easier to blame someone or something else; then, at least, you’re not a failure—a victim, but not a failure.

How the Law of Attraction Works

Let’s go back to basics. The Law of Attraction states that like attracts like. There are many popular sayings reinforcing the Law of Attraction: birds of a feather flock together, what goes around comes around, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, the world is a mirror, and many more.

The attracting force is energy. Positive, high frequency energy attracts more of the same; likewise, negative, lower frequency energy attracts more energy that is negative. Emotion adds intensity to this energy; the stronger the emotion, the stronger the attraction. If I feel down in the dumps, depressed and blue, despite wishing to feel better, and thinking I’d like to feel better, the energy I give off will continue to attract more of the same—depressing, negative life results.

We’ve all seen the Law of Attraction in action; we know the world works this way because we can often see the results—in others. We cannot see it as easily for ourselves. A universal law doesn’t just work some times; it works all the time. Gravity always works. Water always converts from ice to liquid to steam at appropriate temperatures. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only altered in form—always.

When the Law of Attraction Seems to Fail

Then why does it seem the Law of Attraction fails to work when I want to create a certain result in my life? That’s the question that baffles and frustrates. But it’s the wrong question. If I assume the universal law isn’t working for me, then it isn’t a universal law. Instead, I should assume the opposite—the Law of Attraction is working perfectly. When I accept that the combination of my thoughts and beliefs, my emotions and feelings, and my subconscious intentions and yearnings are generating my life results, I gain the power and perspective to change.

The first question to ask is whether I really want different life results. I must be sensitive to how I feel about the area of life I believe I want to change. Are there mixed feelings there? Do I wish for greater career success while simultaneously feeling terrified of making the changes required to attain it? The energy projected by a combination of conflicting thinking and feeling will continue to attract more of what I’m now experiencing.

Answering this question allows me to move on to the next important steps I can take to attract what I desire. I’ll cover that in the next article, but for now: always, always, assume you’re attracting exactly what you are experiencing. Even when you cannot believe this, believe it anyway. Rather than looking for the reasons behind your experiences, or who to blame, assume you’ve somehow created them and set about creating a different experience by shifting to more positive thinking, saying, and doing. Easily said, not always easily done. But this is exactly what we must do to change our lives.

Is the Law of Attraction Failing?

Until you can come to grips with the concept that you’ve actually attracted (unknowingly) the life circumstance you’re facing, it can be difficult to change the situation. Once you can accept that attraction is actually working even though you can’t imagine how, you can move on to further steps to get your attractive powers aligned with your true desires. Move on to these steps with Part 2 of When the Law of Attraction Isn’t Working.